The halls of Hogwarts - one shots

Nicknames

'Ok,' James said and picked up a quill and some parchment. 'Let's just brainstorm. Any ideas for nicknames and I'll write them down. Ok? Let's start.'

Silence.

Sirius scratched his neck.

Peter drummed with his hand against his leg.

James was messing up his hair.

Remus was reading. Wait a second. Reading?

'Remus!' James yelled and gave his friend a death glare. 'How can you sit and read at a formal meeting like this? That is so disrespectful! Put that book away! Now!' He slammed his hand in the table, making many students turn and look at him.
Remus muttered something in style with "geez" and put down his book.

Sirius scratched his neck.

Peter drummed with his hand against his leg.

James was messing up his hair.

Remus was not reading.

'Hey!' Sirius suddenly said and smiled at each of his friends before he spoke again. 'I've got a nickname for Remus. Let's call him "Monster Moon! It's dramatic, mysterious and cool.'

'I don't like it,' Remus muttered and glanced towards his book. 'Why can't I just be Remus?'

'You can't just be Remus, because that's really boring,' James explained. 'But I also agree with you, Monster Moon is a stupid nickname. See, Sirius, you said that the name is Dramatical, cool and mysterious, but Remus is neither.'

'Thanks for calling me uncool mate,' Remus muttered.

'Really, the pleasure is mine.'

Remus rolled his eyes. 'I was being sarcastic.'

'Hey, I know!' said Peter and sat up straiter in his armchair. 'Maybe Remus isn't cool or dramatical, but isn't he sort of mysterious? Maybe we can call him Mysterious moon!'

'I don't like it,' Remus whined. 'Don't put it on the list James.

'Aah...' James looked at the list. 'I think I have to, Remus, maybe future Mysterious Moon. See, the list looks devilishly empty without anything on it. Actually, I don't think that you can qualify it as a list, if you don't... you know... write something on it. And if it's not a list, it's just a piece of parchment, and that reminds me a little too much of homework. I'm sure you understand, Remus.' And he wrote down Mysterious Moon on the top of the parchment.

Remus sighed and rolled his eyes.

'So!' James smiled. 'Now when we have one nickname it'll be easy to come up with more!'

It wasn't.

'I know!' Sirius said after another three, four minutes. 'How about calling me Hotdog. You know, because I'm a dog and I'm hot.'

'Yeah...' James looked doubtfully at his friend. 'The only problem is that it is wrong to lie...'

'What?'

'Well, you're not really hot, are you?'

'Oh, thanks for reminding me mate,' said Sirius with a grin. 'You're completely right. I'm not just hot. I'm extremely hot. Let's call me Extremely Hotdog.'

'I'll write Hotdog,' said James and smiled at his parchment. 'You know, I think that we really can call it a list when there's two things on it. This list is really awesome, don't you think?'

Silence.

Twenty minutes passed without further success.

They came up with some names James described as "crapy", such as:

Stagy, Barker, Wolfer and Ratman.

And there were also nicknames Sirius described as "very silly", such as:

Howly and Ratty.

'Ok,' said James and looked at his list with a sigh. It was not at all as easy as he had imagined it to be. 'This doesn't look too good. All the names are stupid. I mean really, Ratmam, what sort of name is that?'

'A really good one,' Sirius tried.

James shook his head. 'The only good one we've got is, in my opinion, Prongs. For me. That sounds sort of cool. I also think mysterious moon is Ok, though I find the "mysterious" part sort of weird...'

'Maybe we could take it away,' suggested Peter. 'How about just Moon. Or maybe Moono.'

'Moono sounds like Bruno,' Remus complained.

James nodded. 'I agree, but maybe Moony. That sounds sort of nice.' Everyone nodded, though Sirius muttered that monster moon was cooler. James gave him an annoyed glare.

'Ok, I'm still not a fan of Ratman,' said James and looked down at the list. 'All names for Peter are sort of... ridiculous, if you get what I mean.'

'Then what about Jerkface,' suggested Sirius with a big yawn. 'It suits him awesomely.'

'No!' Peter said angrily. 'I don't want to be called Jerkface. You have to admit it's a very bad nickname, right James? Right?'

'Well, yeah,' agreed James. 'Yes it's...sort of bad... Ok everyone, let's think of what we know about rats.'

Silence.

'I've always wondered,' started Sirius after a minute or two. 'Do rats eat worms?'

Remus shrugged. 'Dunno, why?'

'Well, their tails look like worms, right? Which means that if they eat worms they would also probably taste their tail once in a while, which is disgusting...'

'What about Wormtail!' Remus said. 'You said rats tails look like worms, so what about Wormtail?'

Peter nodded smilingly. 'Yeah. Yeah I like that!'

James smiled. 'Ok, then we are Moony, Wormtail, Prongs and...' he looked at the list. 'Snuffles.'

'Wait!' Sirius put up a hand in the air and stared at James. 'We are not calling me Snuffles. I like Padfoot.'

'Hmmm,' James frowned slightly. 'See, I'm quite fond of Snuffles... but Ok. Moony, Wormtail, Padfood and Prongs.' He grinned at his friends. 'I'm telling you guys. Our new names will be known for mischief.'