Paradise Lot: Interludes (Dionysus's Story)

Chapter 5 - What's a Good Chaser for the End of the World?

The being was unlike any Other I've seen before. The creature was taller than a city bus. To say it was male or female was to attribute genitalia to it. There were none. It walked on two legs, its gait more like an insect crawl than a humanoid stride. It wore no clothes I could see, skin made of shiny dark green armor much like a beetle's exoskeleton. It had two scorpion-like tails, both of which curved upwards and ended with spikes that hung in the air over its shoulders. It approached and with each step, a thin layer of sand followed it, muting colors with each step—and as it approached closer, the world slowly became sepia. When it was about twenty feet away it grinned, revealing a row of serrated teeth.

No wonder all the Others ran. This guy was terrifying.

"Oh great," Penemue sighed, getting to his feet. "A nasnas."

"Worse," Dionysus groaned. "It's Tamter."

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"Dionysus," each syllable skittered out from its coarse, dry lips. "You should have left when you had the chance."

"What? And miss all the fun?" Dionysus said, pushing at the pole.

"I knew it was you, Child of the Titan-slayer," the creature said, "This distasteful drunkenness that clouds my mind ... I have felt it only once before. When you poisoned me!"

"That was over fifteen thousand years ago," Dionysus said.

"Oh—so this is some ancient grudge," I lifted my arms out to help with my balance. "Look here Mr. ... Or is it Mrs.? Ms.? Miss? Dr.? There are waaay too many pronouns in the human language—"

"I am the great Tamter," it slithered.

"Oh ... OK. So Mister Miss Great Tamter, let me see if I got this right ... You're using up a lot of magic just to hold this guy down? Why don't you save yourself a lot of time, let him go and we could talk about this like grown ..." I eyed the creature. "What are you, again?"

Both Penemue and Dionysus groaned in unison, "A nasnas."

"What's a nasnas?" I asked.

"Half-scorpion, half human, all asshole," Dionysus offered. "They were once the godlets of the Sahara Desert. Until we cleaned them out, that is."

Tamter's hard, fleshless lips clicked in annoyance.

"You're not helping," I whispered to Dionysus.

Tamter snapped, "You tricked me—poisoned my drink with your ambrosia. I lost focus and with my judgment clouded, I made a fatal error when negotiating with the dishonorable Zeus. That misstep allowed your father to take the great Siwa Oasis from us and claim it as part of his territory. Without our sanctuary, our religion, our traditions and our culture slowly faded into obscurity. But the greatest insult of all was that error allowed the spread of Hellenism in our once great desert—"

"Oh come on! Don't tell me this is an East, West thing," I cried out. "I thought that crap ended when the gods left."

Penemue looked over at me, "East, West thing? What do you think is happening here? A scene from West Side Story?"

"Nah man!" I slurred. "You know, an ideology thing. Clash of Civilizations—East vs. West. That kind of beef." I puffed out my chest and raised both arms in a waaay too gangsta manner. I may be many things, but gangsta I am not.

Penemue gave me a look that clearly told me what he thought of my idea. "Have you ever looked at a map?" he said, "Greece is farther east than most of the Sahara."

Dionysus nodded, "The angel is correct. You humans always overcomplicate everything. This is not an ideological conflict. It is a personality problem. I'm wonderful and Tamter is not."