Drakkon

Chapter Nineteen

I gulped in air, the pit of my stomach swirling in anxiety. Already he sounded annoyed at being disturbed, I could only wonder how much I would be able to accomplish with him. Meilin didn't seem like a man that would listen to just anyone.

I opened the door slowly and entered the room, licking my lips nervously and glancing around the small study. There were shelves with scrolls on them, a big window on the right, a long couch to the left, a giant desk encompassing the center of the room, and stacks of papers strewn on top of it. Meilin was sitting behind the desk staring intently at one of the scrolls lain in front of him. His bangs were slightly messy from having run his hands through them so much.

He paused in what he was doing when I stood in front of the desk. "Daiyu," he said calmly, watching me with questioning eyes. "Is there something you need?"

I fiddled with my sleeve and tried to hide the apprehension I was feeling. My entire body was taut with tension. "I-I was wondering if you would like to spend some time with me."

He stared at me for the longest moment, making me squirm under his scrutiny.

He pushed the scroll he had been looking at away from himself and rose to his feet. "I rarely hear a request from you," he said as he placed his hands on the desk and tapped one of the scrolls that was sitting rolled up and unopened. "What is it you want to do?"

"You haven't rested much and I was wondering if you wanted to relax," I said quickly. "And maybe eat something as well, if you haven't already eaten dinner."

"I've already eaten," he said. "But resting? Did Bohai put you up to this?"

"N-No."

"Fang?"

I didn't say anything.

"I'm really busy right now—" he started.

"B-But you should still rest," I said forcibly, biting my lower lip as I stared up at him. Although Fang had told me to help Meilin, I also didn't like the idea of him not sleeping. He was fighting a war right now and the thought of him falling asleep on the battlefield or passing out from overexertion was a thought that surprisingly worried me. As much as he terrified me, I had grown to care for his wellbeing.

"I don't—"

"Please," I cut in.

He was taken aback by my outburst and outright stared at me, blinking and watching me with those dark, unreadable eyes of his. His blatant stare caused my cheeks to stain with color, my embarrassment slowly taking over and what little confidence I had around him to crumble and fall.

Right when I thought that he would refuse me, he drew near me and touched my chin. "Since you've asked so sweetly, little rabbit, I can't deny."

My shoulders dropped from all the tenseness I had been feeling, and although I was still anxious around him, I was relieve d that he had agreed.

"Sit down on the couch," he said.

Not exactly sure where he was going with this, I listened and sat on the edge of the simple couch, moving a few cushions around. Meilin sat in the middle of the couch and repositioned himself until he was lying down, his booted feet propped up on the armrest and what took me by surprise was that he rested his head on my lap.

"I'll rest like this," he said with an arrogant tilt of his mouth, his dark eyes so close to me.

I sat rigid in my seat, my stomach tight and my breaths coming very slowly. My heart was palpitating to a erratic beat and I couldn't tear my gaze away from him. It was all too much of a shock for me, touching him so suddenly and having his head on my lap.

He closed his eyes and relaxed his shoulders, his breathing slowing down. With such a serene look on his face, I had an urge to run my fingers through his hair and see if it was really as soft as it looked. I also wanted to trace the three scars on his jaw until I stopped at where they stopped, down to his collar bone.

A blush as deep and red as roses overtook my cheeks at that thought, all the blood rushing to my face.

"The first time I saw you, I knew I would make you my bride," he said softly, his eyes still closed. "You were so terrified and you looked so beautiful. I wanted to tease you."

That moment where we had first met seemed forever ago by now. That little scene had changed my life.

"But," he said calmly. "I've come to realize that it's not fair for you to have to . . . marry me."

I stopped breathing and he opened his eyes to stare at me, his expression indecipherable.

"My mother was forced to be with my father and although he didn't . . . rape her to conceive me, she was forced nonetheless." He closed his eyes once more, but I had seen the flash of pain that had momentarily crossed his obsidian colored eyes. "I can't do that to you and I can't force you to be with me. If you—"

I touched his hair shyly, my fingers trembling. I didn't ever want to see that pained expression on his face or that look in his eyes. For some reason, my heart shook with unease when I saw him look like that. His voice was so sad that I couldn't stop from trying to soothe him. "Please stop," I whispered. "Don't talk like that."

His eyes widened ever so slightly for a split second.

"I'm not burdened by this marriage," I said carefully, brushing my fingers through his hair and feeling the silk like texture. I closed my eyes and thought back to Heng, my first love, and how I had deeply cared for him. The feelings I had for Meilin at this moment were similar to the feelings I had held for Heng, but they weren't exactly love. I had loved Heng, and although I cared for Meilin, I didn't love him like that. Still, I cared for his wellbeing and I knew that I could somehow find a way for this marriage to work.

I continued to comb my fingers through his hair lightly, watching as his facial expression relaxed more and more and his shoulders lost their tautness. In a few moments, Meilin fell asleep, his breathing coming softly and slowly, the familiar rhythm of someone fast asleep. His expression was calm and as I ran my fingers through his hair, my heart bloomed for him. Right now, with his soft tone and his well-thought out words, I couldn't help but feel something towards him.

He had clearly thought over his words about our marriage and the way he spoke so sadly told me that it wasn't a decision he had lightly thought of. He truly was willing to dash the marriage if I said no. His action alone was enough to tell me that there was more to the fearsome Dragon than he let on. He wasn't a good person, that much was for sure and my experience with him proved that, but there were parts of him that I was slowly warming up to.

What crazy and merciless ruler would not take what he wanted? With that much power, he could keep me regardless of my feelings towards him, but he chose to release me if I so wished.

There was a gentle side to Meilin, and I wanted to unearth it and figure him out myself.

When he was like this, I wondered that if perhaps he had grown up peacefully and under good circumstances, he might've been a good person, someone with a gentle heart and a warm smile.