Blurb- 2/5
A good blurb should be a slightly mysterious summary of your plot that makes the reader want to know where your story is going. Unfortunately, the blurb for 'Meet Bliss' was a little too thin and a little too vague to tell me enough about what to expect.
Having said that, it does introduce an interesting possible narrative voice for your story. It's a shame that the voice is dropped in the first chapter and replaced with a first person perspective.
Perhaps a blurb that has a bit more plot information would be more effective.
Plot- 5/10
From what I understand, this story is going to be about a young demi-demon who somehow becomes a very powerful person as time progresses. With that knowlege I must say I (generally) liked the idea of starting the story with an account of a traumatic event in the main character's life. This sets a tone for the rest of the story and indicates Bliss has a dual nature that she isn't always able to control.
However, the first chapter develops very quickly without much context and even when it has context, the information is given after the fact. Also, the chapter builds to a climax that has seemingly no reprocussions for the main charater. If the writer is trying to give the impression that this is a poorly remembered flashback from childhood then they achieve that, but only indirectly.
Characters- 4/10
After reading the first chapter, I feel that I have a rough picture of Bliss but it's not a particularly deep one. The writer has shown that Bliss is interesting but only because she's prone to uncontrollable bouts of unprovoked violence. If this part of Bliss' nature was taken away, she'd be quite boring. Also, Bliss' basic characteristics change quite rapidly and don't totally make sense. For example, she's supposedly weak but can throw a dagger into a person's leg? If this is another facet of her demon nature (sudden increases in strength and skill) then by not hinting at that, the writer has just created an unecessary inconsistency.
The other characters arond Bliss are largely irrelevant in so much that they aren't really developed at all. Details about them are dropped not revealed and their behaviour can seem a little counter intuitive (Bliss' demon father prefers her human brother).
Spelling and grammar- 2/10
S&G needs a lot of work, I suggest getting an editor to look through your work or maybe giving yourself a few hours between writing and proof reading. Errors start in the blurb and continue throughout which make reading the piece awkward.
Style- 2/5
Format and writing style also need work. The first chapter is just a wall of text which is daunting at first and just annoying later.
In terms of writng, the writer has managed to give Bliss a somewhat consistent voice and that does help with the flow of the story.
Appeal- 3/10
Unless more care is taken with S&P, style and character development, I don't see myself continuing with this story. The premiss is interesting but not enough to make me click 'Chapter Two'.
Overall score- 18/50
This piece could be so much better with a little more care and attention. I wish the writer good luck and I hope she continues.
http://www.wattpad.com/story/4561123-meet-bliss
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First Impressions
Non-FictionThis is a collection of critiques done, on request, by JadeMilner and weird_writer_girl. If you would like to request a critique please message JadeMilner, having read at least one review, and she will get back to you.
