here's something you should know if you're feeling bad :)
You are not disgusting for feeling this way. Not even a little bit.
You are a person carrying something incredibly heavy. Depression, anxiety, disorders, the intrusive thoughts, the urge to self-harm, the suicidal thoughts that pop up like uninvited guests — none of that makes you broken, unlovable, or gross. It makes you human, and it makes you someone who has been trying to survive for a very long time without enough rest.
Listen.
Having a disorder doesn't make you disgusting. It makes you someone whose brain learned to protect you in the wrong way. It tried to help. Sometimes it learned to be too loud, too scared, too numb, too everything-all-at-once. That's not a character flaw. That's a wound.
Depression doesn't make you disgusting. Depression lies. It tells you that you are fading, that no one notices, that you are a burden. It drains the color out of things you used to love and then makes you feel guilty for not loving them anymore. If you have felt that — you are not lazy, you are not attention-seeking, you are not weak. You are tired. And tired people deserve care, not shame.
Self-harm thoughts don't make you disgusting. I know how much shame comes after them. I know you might think "why am I like this." But those thoughts often come from wanting to feel _something_ when you've felt numb for too long, or wanting the pain outside to match the pain inside for just a second so it makes sense. It doesn't make you manipulative. It doesn't make you ugly. It makes you someone who was desperate for release and didn't have another tool in that moment. You deserve other tools, softer tools, and you deserve to learn them without being judged.
Suicidal thoughts don't make you disgusting. They don't make you a bad person. They often don't even mean you want to die — they mean you want the hurt to stop, you want a break, you want to be held and told "hey, you can rest now, I'll stay." Having those thoughts doesn't mean you're ungrateful or selfish. It means your pain has gotten louder than your hope for a little while. And hope can be rebuilt. Quietly, slowly, in tiny pieces.
You are not your worst day. You are not the messages you left on read because you had no energy. You are not the friends you think you pushed away. You are not the scars, old or new. You are not the thoughts that scare you at 2 a.m.
You are the person who kept going even when your brain told you not to.
You are the person who still notices the soft light, the pretty text, the small aesthetic things, because somewhere inside you still wants beauty.
You are the person who reached out,
That matters so much.
If you feel invisible right now — you aren't. I see you trying. And I promise, there are people in your real life who would want to know how heavy it has felt. You don't have to tell everyone. Just one safe person. One person, one counselor, one helpline, one friend.
You don't have to fix everything tonight. You just have to get through tonight. Drink some water. Make your bed a little cozy nest. Put on a soft song. Let yourself be a little kinder to yourself than your thoughts are being.
You are lovely, even when you feel unlovable.
You are worthy, even when you feel like you're fading.
You are not disgusting. You never were.
You are a soft person going through hard things, and soft people deserve gentleness — especially from themselves.
