The guardianship | Levi x reader

Part 1

You'd been here an hour. Maybe longer. Time had become strange, slipping between your fingers like water.

The wind pulled at your Survey Corps jacket, and you watched the green fabric ripple against the grey sky. You were sitting on the edge of Wall Maria, legs dangling over nothing, watching the night sky.

A month ago, you were in Levi's office, going over expedition reports together. You were standing by his desk, pointing out a discrepancy in the casualty numbers, when he'd looked up at you with that unreadable grey gaze.

"I could see you as Captain," he'd said.

The comment caught you completely off guard.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"You're good with the gear," he'd continued, leaning back in his chair, studying you. "And you make decisions fast. You don't freeze when things go wrong. You assess and you act. That's rare."

You'd stared at him, your heart pounding. "Thank you, sir."

"Would you want that?" he'd asked. "To lead your own squad?"

You didn't have to think about it.

"Yeah," you'd said. "I think I would."

"Good. I'll put your name forward, then."

----

But the reality of the promotion settled over you like a shroud.

Being a captain meant responsibility. It meant leading soldiers into danger. It meant making decisions that could mean life or death. It meant being accountable for everyone under your command.

And you weren't ready. You knew you weren't ready.

But Levi had believed in you. He'd seen something in you. How could you let him down?

The expedition had been your first real test as a captain. And you'd failed.

The Titans had come out of nowhere. A swarm of them, emerging from the forest like ghosts. Your squad had been caught off guard. You'd made a call—a split-second decision to engage instead of retreat—and it had been the wrong one.

Three soldiers were injured. One of them died in the infirmary two days later.

It was your fault. All your fault.

Levi was wrong about you. He made a mistake. You're not capable. You're not a leader. You're nothing.

The thought echoed in your mind, relentless and cruel.

You stood up and hovered over the edge. The wind was stronger up here, whipping your hair across your face, pulling at your jacket.

You looked down.

The ground was invisible in the darkness, swallowed by shadow. The drop was endless, bottomless, a void that seemed to reach up and call to you.

It would be so easy.

One step.

One moment of courage, and all of it would be over. The guilt. The fear. The constant, crushing weight of being alive. The pressure. The expectations. The feeling that you were never enough.

You closed your eyes.

The wind roared in your ears. Your heart was pounding, but your mind was strangely quiet. Calm. Peaceful, almost.

This is it. This is the end.

Just one step.

Just—

"Oi."

The voice cut through the spiral like a blade, sharp and unexpected.

You flinched.

Hands grabbed your jacket and yanked you back onto solid ground.

"What the hell are you doing?" he demanded, his voice sharp and cutting.

You couldn't answer. Your throat was closed, your mind blank. You stared at him, trembling.

"I asked you a question." His grip on your jacket tightened.

"I—" Your voice cracked. "I'm sorry. I just—I just needed some air."

"Some air." His voice was flat, disbelieving. "You're telling me you came all the way up here because you needed some air."

You just stared at him.

"Don't look at me like that." He stepped closer, his grey eyes boring into yours. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," you finally said, your voice barely above a whisper. You dropped your gaze, unable to meet his eyes. "It's just... I was a bit stressed out, that's all."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No." The word came out sharper than you intended.

Levi let out a slow breath through his nose.

"You don't want to talk tonight, fine. We can talk tomorrow. But we are going to talk." 

"You're a captain now," he continued. "You don't get to just disappear in the middle of the night like that. You understand that, right?"

"Yes, sir." you whispered.

"Okay," he said stepping back. "Come on. Let's head back."

You hesitated for a moment, then asked the question that had been nagging at you.

"How did you know I was here?"

He met your eyes.

"A guard on night watch saw you launch off in ODM gear."

You frowned slightly. "And that was enough for you to figure out where I'd gone?"

"Not exactly." His gaze shifted toward the city below. "There aren't many places you'd go this late."

You looked out over the rooftops.

"The Walls are quiet," he continued. "No one bothers you up here. And you can see the whole city."

He glanced back at you.

"I figured you'd come somewhere like this."

You nodded, reaching for your ODM gear. Without another word, you fired your hooks into the stone and launched yourself off the Wall, the wind whipping past you as you descended toward the city below.