Behind the Baker's Door

A Chance

Chapter 1
A Chance

I woke up early this morning and not by choice. The nurses come in to check on me.. bless their hearts.. but everyday is the same. And with age these things get worse.
I am just as sick, tired, and hurt as the day before and the day before that.
Maybe in my younger days I could have taken my health seriously. It has only continued to decline.
This life isn't what I thought it would be.
I feel like a burden. And I feel burdened.

My hands, my head, my knees and my back hurt before I even move.
Every day I wake up.
The same nurses check on me.
I'm stuck in the same room.
Same breakfast, lunch, dinner.
Take my medicine.
Go to bed.
Same routine.
Every. Day.
I sometimes need help in the bathroom and to get cleaned up. I don't feel like myself. I don't feel like my own person.

I often reminisce on my youth. Although I wasted that. Too afraid to take chances.
And when my chronic illness took over I let it. I didn't fight.

I close my eyes. Sleep my day away. Just like the past ones.

-

I take everything back. Something has changed and it must.
If I remember correctly, which I wouldn't bet money on,
I believe last night in my dreams I was in a world so sweet. Everything around me was cloudy and pink.
I reached out to the clouds and got a handful of cotton candy. Looking down I was a young girl again holding my mother's hand. Pointing out a pink frosted chocolate cupcake.
I will not waste my day in bed again today.

A fire was set in me. I cannot remember ever feeling this way. Let the nursing staff try to stop me.
I am treating myself today. Today I am indulging.

I dress myself in the timeless yellow dress I've been saving for a special occasion. That occasion seemingly never came. But today it has. I comb what's left of my hair. My body protests but my mind quiets itself like a mother correcting their child.
I leave the same old breakfast of cream of wheat. I'm in need of something much sweeter.

I thought slipping out of the residence would be a daring task. Maybe I'd have to manipulate the staff. Or create a diversion and poof disappear like a magician.
But no magic was needed. Some nurses ran in and out of patients' rooms like chickens without their head.
And others seemed to be just as drained as their patients. Zombified staring into space or maybe at the tiny television in the day room. Their eyes might be on the flicks but their mind gone. Tired. Non participating.

I walked out no problem. Maybe that was negligent for the Home. But today maybe being unsupervised is just what the doctor ordered. Just a taste of freedom. Rich and sweet like chocolate and vanilla.

I have lived in this town since childhood. Mother never left either until she passed.
Walking the streets though could not be more unfamiliar. Time can be so cruel. Taking your memory but it's not a necessity when nothing ever stays the same.
I then started to feel embarrassed.
I have been here half a century and nothing is coming back to me.
Maybe this temporary escape was for nothing.
I should be in bed. Waiting to be told when to eat. When to shower...

Not. Happening. I am over redundancy. This is good, I lie to myself. I am comfortable with the unknown..
I just lovveee taking chances..

My mind ping ponging between what is comfortable versus what is making me feel alive.
I walk carefully watching my shoes step over cracked pavement. Green poking through. I realized then how tired my eyes were. How tired I was.
Right as I started to turn back. I remembered my dream from last night and felt so deeply motivated.

A path appeared. Not a formal path.
But the flowers seemed to bow in a row leading me. Somewhere.
I noticed the sky was painted in dark pinks, peaches, and purples. The clouds in the sky looked like cotton candy I could reach out and grab to eat. Then I could smell something warm and sweet. Chocolate and vanilla.
In the town I no longer recognized, I saw it....