rants/vents but barely disguised as oc lore guys trust

Love - A

So if you know my OCs already, you can skip this part.

Basically, the OC I'm using in this story is A (short for Ari)

...she might be inspired by my irl cat but shhhh- /silly

Anyways, she's an orange cat with patches of white fur. Green eyes, really basic description, kinda looks like Firepaw (+ his other names) from Warriors.

That's pretty much it. It's also coincidentally a Warrior Cats OC.

Anyways, this is all you need to know lol

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- "...why?"

She opened her eyes, only for her to be met with the same old familiar sight of the blue sky, with the same clouds and the same tree leaves as always.

It had been a long time since she actually went out of hiding, mostly because she couldn't bring herself to bear any more pain, but she didn't want to admit that.

Instead, the excuse she found is that "she had no one to go out with". And she'd be right, because that technically is the truth, but there's nothing stopping her from actually going out by herself, whether it is to hunt for more food, to visit her kittypet family or to just take a walk and enjoy the forest.

- "why does it hurt so much? I don't understand..."

She started talking, trying to come to terms with her feelings.

- "I keep dreaming, losing myself in these... Delusions, trying to give myself some kind of hope only to wake up and realize none of it is real. It will never be real. And I hate feeling like this. I want to be happy, so why can't I? Am I the issue, is that my problem, is that why I'm suffering so much?..."

She slowly felt a sting of pain, realizing she pricked her own pawpad with her long claws, mentally cursing herself for not paying attention while she licked the thin stream of blood off her paws

- "What's wrong with me? I just... Don't know... Whenever I try to join a clan, they despise me for my origins. They want nothing to do with me... Shadowclan, Windclan... Heck, even Riverclan kicked me out! I only have one more chance and one chance only. And that's joining Thunderclan. And even then, I don't know if I'll be capable of meeting their standards this time."

She let out a long sigh of exhaustion, slowly looking back up, springing upwards faster than her mind can register, catching a bird that was just sitting on the branches. She nibbled it down quickly and precisely, even swallowing some feathers as she ate. After that, she tossed what remained of the bird aside, laying down on the ground again, stretching with a wide yawn.

- "... Didn't even realize I was so hungry..."

After that, she stopped for a few moments, lost in thought, trying to find some meaning in her thoughts.

- "... Why is everyone so happy? Everyone has someone who cares about them, a friend, their whole clan supporting their back, even a mate sometimes, but what do I have? I'm a friendless rogue, everyone seems to despise me, and even then, my only true friends, they are so far away..."

"... I guess it's because I don't have a mate or any real friends to talk to, face to face... I... Fuck, it's so obvious."

She slowly started crying, her short snout humid with her tears. Even then, she still tried to keep talking out loud.

- "I want someone to love me, to care about me for who I am, nothing else, to spend time with me, to worry about me..."

"I want someone who's willing to listen and pause to understand what I need, someone who cares about me more than I do, someone who likes my presence and being close to me."

"I want to be close to someone, to feel their fur on mine and my body on theirs, so close that I forget I'm cold and I only feel their warmth... I don't even care if it's a male, or a female, but I want a fucking mate. No, not want. Need. I fucking need it so bad, it's making me want more the more I think about it. Almost everyone I see has one. Some even have multiple! I wouldn't mind having multiple if it meant being loved. But no, I have NO ONE..."

Slowly, she fell asleep right there like that, crying and lonely, her tail flicking occasionally around a tree trunk, as if she was trying to wrap it around someone in one of her delusional dreams, which would later make her cry much more, knowing none of it was real.