The Weight of Staying

Chapter 1 - Who are you?

Laughter bounced off the walls of the Smosh Pit stage as the cast and crew wrap up the final shoot on a warm Monday afternoon. Everyone was refreshed after their weekends; Shayne and Courtney spent time with family, Spencer had a cozy weekend in with Erica, Tommy partied with friends and Chanse had a memorable first date. It was safe to say everyone was in a good mood today.

Amanda had spent her weekend having restless nights but she still had her spirits as high as she could get them. Not being able to place a finger on what was keeping her awake, Amanda just powered through and she did a good job of it. She felt anxious in the morning, like something was awry, like something was due to happen, it was just waiting for the right moment. It was easy for her to put feelings like that on the back burner when she loved what she did for a living. A YouTube comedian. Never in a million years did she expect to be here but it's perfect for her, here is where she met lifelong friends that she could trust with her biggest, darkest secrets. Starting out as a bartender, then a writer for Channel 7 when she told her mom she wanted to be an actress, her mom thought news was the best start. That lasted 3 years but Amanda knew it wasn't where she was meant to be, so she left home, and the rest is history.

As the crew began to wrap up, the cast debriefed on their way off the stage, taking the most bizarre props, wigs and costumes you can imagine back behind the screen. TNTL was one of Amanda's favourite things to shoot on Smosh. She felt free. Like she truly could be whoever (or whatever) she wanted to be without judgement or second thoughts. It would always bring out the laughter in her no matter how drained she was or how low she was feeling, almost like it was a remedy to anything negative she may have had on her mind beforehand.

Everyone had finished for the day so the chatter of the group drifted back to the circle room, where everyone had their belongings ready to be packed and taken home.

"Any plans for the evening?" Tommy looked up at Amanda as he dug into the front pocket of his bag to fish out his car keys.

"Ah, no. I just need sleep so it'll probably be an early night for me," Amanda lets out an exasperated chuckle.

"Oh? Not sleeping?"

"Barely. I think I've had a total of 4 hours all weekend."

"What's keeping you up?"

Amanda shrugs and thinks for a moment, as if an answer will show itself to her there and then, "No idea,"

"Well," Tommy pulls his bag onto his shoulder, the keys he finally found are now hanging from his index finger with a satisfying jingle, "Hopefully you sleep a little better tonight. Long shoot day tomorrow, 7:30 call time for you?"

Amanda widened her eyes and nodded, she was only just now reminded that she had such an early start ahead of her tomorrow, "see you then. Have a good evening, Tammy"

Tommy chuckled at this recent nickname Amanda had assigned him and waved as he headed out of the circle room. The chatter in the room gradually faded as everyone left one by one to go back home, all that was left was Shayne and Courtney but they were busy having a chat with Brennan so they'd probably be there for a while. As Amanda pulled her bag onto her shoulder, she cautiously went over to the three as to not interrupt them and leaned into the conversation with a wave, whispering a not so subtle goodbye before she made her way out of the building.

Her drive home was silent, so tired she didn't even want to put on a podcast or her favourite playlist. Usually it would take 15 minutes to drive back home but it seemed busy on the roads this evening for some reason. "Fucking LA traffic," Amanda muttered to herself under her breath as she rested her elbow on the open window, resting her cheekbone on the knuckles of her index and middle finger. Tapping lightly on the steering wheel, that sinking anxiety settled back in her stomach. Amanda's chest suddenly felt tight, like she could barely breathe; her mouth drying up like she hasn't drank water in weeks. She had completely disassociated and zoned out for a few seconds until a car horn blared behind her, Amanda's eyes shoot up to see the light was now green, "shit, sorry!" Her hand flew up in apology to the driver behind her as she accelerated forward.

After what felt like hours in the car, she made it home in about 35 minutes. Her favourite parking spot was taken by the time she arrived home, it was like a silent rivalry between her and the guy who lived 2 apartments down from hers but she had a streak of a week straight being able to claim the spot before he could but instead, she had to park under the tree that made her car dirty. On a normal day, this would mildly inconvenience her but today she just wanted to call it a day and get some rest.

As her evening went on, Amanda got through a glass of red wine, a half-assed pasta dish that was blander than her usual meal and another 2 episodes of dateline. That was enough to keep her going until the morning. A warm shower would surely be enough to knock her out for the night.

Eventually, she could claim the day as over. Amanda climbed into bed and tucked herself into her favourite position, the kind of position you know you'll be out like a light in 2 minutes. Finally, a full nights sleep.

-

The sky was bright. The fluffiest white clouds you've ever seen. A perfect spring breeze. Amanda could see nothing but grass for miles and miles. Pure bliss until the day seemed to shift into night in a matter of seconds. The air is now still. The stars are twinkling above her but it's not enough to sugar coat this new feeling. Something is watching her. Someone is stalking her. Where are they? What are they? A breath caresses the back of Amanda's neck. Don't turn around. Don't turn around. Don't turn around. She turned around. A triple layered grin the size of a car opens. CRUNCH.

-

Amanda shoots up in bed with a gasp that makes her throat sore. Her heart feels like it's pounding out of her chest. Everything is pitch black until her eyes slowly adjust to the darkness in her room. She presses the bases of her palms into her eye sockets to rub her eyes awake, only to see a figure she doesn't recognise at the foot of her bed. As if she wasn't shaken enough, Amanda shifts her body further up the bed, away from this thing that stood in front of her.

It was a woman, a woman she'd never seen in her entire life. A woman that seemed more scared of Amanda than she was of this stranger in her bedroom. The girl stood coy. Huge, brown eyes that look like they couldn't hurt a soul. Her hair was brown and slightly wavy, the length of it aligned with her jaw and flicked out a little at the ends.

Amanda sat and stared at this girl for what felt like forever, her lips parted and her brows furrowed with confusion. The room felt the quietest it had ever been before until her voice finally caught up and sliced through the silence.

"Who are you...?"