Entries of Ana

24 July 2026

Hey yall! This is a digital diary tht I am gonna keep, to find ppl who can relate to me.

Tdy I had maths exam. Ugh. The most trauma binding exam. I am in grade 11, PCMB is my stream. I was gonna take PCB + PE/CS, but my parents emotionally manipulated to take me maths. They r not evil, but sometimes their actions break me. It's alright, we are supposed to forgive them right? Just because they are our parents!!!!!! 🥰 ( I am being sarcastic )

I was on time tdy, like I left my house at 6:47 to catch my bus. The correct bus timing is 6:50 - 6:55. The bus comes early if I am late by a few minutes, otherwise it's late when I am early. HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. I came down and saw the orange+black+white cat sitting next to the desk where the security uncle sits. I named it Snorlax. It was sitting in a perfect loaf 😭. I fought my urge to pick it up and BITE its cheeks. My father was trying to pluck Jasmine which was higher than him. I was getting second hand embarrassment, but it's fine.

My bus came, and I sat next to my frnd ( she's studying commerce ) and sighed telling her tht how I much I was scared for the exam. Then we reached school. Amidst of tht the bus aunty always stands next to my seat and she leans on the seat which makes me uncomfortable. She holds some books on her hand which rests on the handle above my seat. It damages my plaited hair. 😭 I already am under confident about my looks.

I got down and saw my frnd. Let's name her Meow ( her username starts with it ). So me and Meow were talking, while i was forgetting to breathe because of nervousness. I had Sets and Trigonometry as my portion. I suck at proving questions 😔 . Then we went to the college building. We have two buildings, 1st is the actual school and 2nd is a rented building for 11th and 12th. After reaching the building I had to keep my bag on the ground floor and go to 4th floor ( where my class is ). Meow has taken PCB+PE, so she stayed on the ground floor till our exam was over. I went up and the exam had not started yet.( The reading time is 7:30 - 7:40 and our bus reaches the building at 7:40 🤡 ) 

The co-ordinator was our invigilator . He is also our physics teacher. UGh. Let's name him DL. I was panicking seeing the MCQs because what was given in NCERT was totally different than what was asked in the paper. Like tf? Why does it always happen with maths? The level of question in NCERT and the exam is always different 😠 . 

Well I did some random shit for MCQs and then in subjective, I was afraid of not being able to solve because my brain was not able to decipher the question.( Maths exams test our English more than solving problems ) I thought sets would be easy, but boy I was proved wrong. So I decided that I would go with the flow. Hahahahaha. And then I was able to solve few questions and my happiness knew no bounds 😍 . The satisfaction I got when I solved the subjectives, it's indescribable. Well my happiness was short lived when I saw the case study. I did some random shit and the exam was over.( it was of 20 marks and the duration was 1 hour ) 

I went down and took my bag, told Meow tht it was alright. The next lecture was Maths itself. I love DL's creativity. Then in tht lecture i got to know tht one of my answers was wrong, it should have been in negative 🤡 .  Meow was figuring out the venn diagram question which came as case study and she told me it was easy. I was like : bih, then why don't you take PCMB as well? 😃  Maths sir was correcting the papers then and there. I was "the woman was too stunned to speak 😲 " 

We ate breakfast. Mine was yummy cuz I had brought sandwich made from the patties tht was fried yesterday 😋 . Meow doesn't like her food.

We had biology class next. There are only 13 students for biology. Our mam's kid studies in our class and he has taken PCMB too. Let's keep tht guy's name as Monty. I hate Monty. Tht bitch always opens his mouth either to spew nonsense or answer the questions without letting others register what has been asked. Sometimes I feel to slap the shit out of him. Well the mam taught us the fifth chapter and she just blabbers and writes on the board, expecting us to understand and take it down in our notebook at the same speed. Well everyone else are able to do so, I am the only shi who doesn't have that ability 🤡 . 

Well I have a crush who is in bio, let's call him Jack. He's shorter than me in height and hes cute. Yeah, I shouldn't crush on someone without knowing their whole personality. Ugh. And I have had crush on him for few weeks. My frnd, let's name her Diva, says tht he has gf. 😃 Well it's better to not crush on someone I think. It's just that I and him have eYecONtacT sometimes. You can't be sure of when you crush on someone right??? Eitherways fuck it, cuz whenever I keep expectations, I am met with disappointment. 

Then we had chemistry. Me nd my gng think that ( mostly my gng ) our chemistry mam and DL are dating. hehehehehhe. Let's name chemistry as H2O. She bores us and we don't understand a single thing in her lectures. She brings a notebook which has all the stuff she has to teach tht day, and she won't leave until she has taught all of it. 🖕😭  She was teaching periodicity and some shi. She doesn't go by the order of topics in the textbook. She has her own order 🤡 . Then she showed us our marks. Tbh I knew my marks and I had gotten 19/20. I lost a mark in MCQ of case study. Well she said she was gonna cut our marks for writing the unit for molar mass as g/mol. She wanted us to write 'amu'. IT IS UTTERLY RIDICULOUS. The unit of molar mass is g/mol and istg if she had cut my marks, then i would decapitate her and fed it to the dogs ☺️ .

Next was english. Oh my lord. It's not tht I disrespect any of my teachers. I am just describing them 😋👈 . She has a shrill voice and it hurts my ears sometimes when she shouts. English is a subject where you don't need much explanation. But she keeps on dragging every single line as if they hold secrets and she is on a mission to uncover them. She finished a lesson, which was tbh boring.( because she literally dragged it for 2 lectures ) The one thing tht a person can learn from tht lesson is to let go of the stuff which your mom gave to others without even telling you. The lesson's name is 'The Address'. 

Then we had lunch break. Me nd Meow were coming inside when the girls called out my name. I thought they were calling another girl because she nd I have similar name ( like the end sounds similar ). Then I turned back to see that they were calling me. So the english mam ( let's call her Hornbill, even the textbook's name is tht ) had told us tht we are supposed to do a flip classroom for the topic of Tutankhamun. I was in the group with 3 girls and 3 boys. I kind of made friends with two girls, say Shawty and Jenny. They were in my group, also my crush Jack. Shawty had gone for a match tdy. When I came there, they were pointing at me and telling the guys tht I was Ana ( my nickname ). Even Jack was there and ig he is uncomfortable with me? I was sure few of the guys would have known my name ☹️ . But all of them acted surprised. I was hurt tbh, cuz I had wished tht this time at least I would be having a memory filled with all the ppl of my class.  One girl told me to come near and Jack was standing there, he literally scooted once, when I was called and next, when I was told to come near them. OUch. Yeah I understand tht he has a gf, but he never showed this kinda shi to other girls. And then the girl asked me if I could swap my place in the group because she wanted to be in my group. So I said yes ( for what reason can I reject tht idea? ) and I could particularly feel tht Jack was happy. This was confirmed by Meow. ok. yeah. noice. I felt terrible, idk y. I ate my lunch quietly and I fought back the tears cause I ain't a sick lover girl for a loser like him. 🙃

Then we had physics. Yay. My.Mood.Died. Yesterday when DL was discussing the answer key, I got to know tht I failed 😃 . I was getting 5/20 when I counted my marks. I am scared of my parent's reaction. Especially my mom. She literally killed me with her words once in 9th grade for getting 73 out of 80 in some subject. How will she react if she finds out that I have failed 😰 . DL told us tht he will give us the paper after cross checking. I am SO dead. Then he was discussing abt field trip and shi. Later he took numericals. I was distracted the whole time.

Then we went home. The whole time in the bus I was overthinking about being so incompetent and shit at socialising. I can't even speak to Jenny properly without fumbling and spewing absurdity. My mind and my tongue works differently. I hate myself for not being able to function as a normal human being. 🥰

P.S. 25 July 2026, Almost the whole class bunked college. Only 3 ppl came. I had begged my parents to let me stay at home and my father had to write an email stating the reason of my absence. HAHA. He won't let me take another leave now. But I was emotionally exhausted. And given to yesterday's event, I would have cried in the class tdy because none of my friends had gone to college. 😃


Bye Yalll, see you next time when my life gets interesting/insulting/insufferable. 

XOXO
💋💋💋

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