I wanted a father

I dont write so I dont know how this will be. 

My mother told me stories when I was born, the funny fact that the same doctor helped give birth to me and my siblings, how much I weighed, when, the names she could have given me. But what stuck with me was my dad. She was alone, in a motel the day the hospital released her, my dad drinking like usual leaving her to herself, hungry, with a crying child. But it didnt matter, he gave my mom money to make up for it after. He drank, lost our house, and his only good career because he didnt want to have a boss. Fast forward to now, what I remember from my dad isnt the times he gave me money, to go buy candy, chips, games. What I remember where the nights he would come drunk, so much money but he cant pay rent, let alone the electric bill. My brother, who tried so much harder than me at highschool, went to his graduation, and everyone except one person was there, he wasnt there because he was too busy drinking. The times me as a child had to drag him into the house. The times I did cpr on him and broke his sternum because he drinks until he passes out and turns blue, my mom hating him for a minute until hes dying so she can beg me to bring him back and do it all over again the next day. I wanted a father. I never got one.