The Academy, Part Two

Chapter Twenty

Ester:

Samantha and James certainly were having a good time and I laughed, shaking my head as we walked into our own room.

"So does black look as good on me as I predicted?" I asked him with a smirk and Matthew rolled his eyes. I walked over, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, "I don't hear a no." "I wasn't planning on saying a no either." he said, blushing ever so slightly.

Even after that huge make out (which I wasn't complaining about at all. It surprised me but complaining about it? No.) he still blushed even if I just held him?

He smiled and pushed me away. "Okay Mr. Suddenly-Confident, get changed for bed." he said, walking away and I sighed. "Fine Mr. Trying-To-Be-My-Mom." I retorted and he tossed a shirt at me. "Someone has to be."

Oh.

Dang, I didn't think that a small comment like that could get to me but it did.

For so long I'd resented them fighting, yelling, and everything that I forgot about the hole that was left in my chest when I actually thought about it.

It may not seem like you need someone when you've gotten so used to blocking out how important they are to you but once you sit down and it hits you it makes you feel like everything you've tried to keep afloat is sinking. And you can't do a thing to salvage any of it.

"Ester?" Matthew asked, coming back over to me and I realized I'd gone silent. I already worry him enough I can't just tell him about this growing pit in my stomach that without realizing, had grew into a black hole.

I shook my head and waved my hand. "Sorry was just thinking. I'm fine."

That lie came so easily that I was used to saying it to my best friend, to my boyfriend.

Matthew put a hand on my shoulder. "I don't think you are, Es." he said quietly he sat down on the bed looking at the spot beside me and he crossed his arms. "Either you can do this now with me or with Samantha and James."

Damn that boy and him having x-ray goggles that can see straight through my dumb lies.

With a sigh I sat down and he stared at me. "What were you thinking about, you just got this...look in your eyes." I was silent, should I tell him? "Ester..." he pleaded, reaching over for my hands and I stared at the ceiling. God help me.I thought before staring at Ester.

"My mom," I started, unable to look anywhere else. I didn't want to lose him, it felt that if I didn't look right at him he could disappear while I wasn't looking. "I miss what she used to be like. It was like I put up a wall around myself and now that she's leaving, I'm going to have to chose between her and dad. How can I make that choice?" my voice cracked and I couldn't hold back tears anymore. I pulled Matthew towards me and I pressed my face into his shoulder.

"Matthew..?" he asked quietly and I whispered back. "Please...let me stay here for just a little longer." He nodded and held me tightly.

Sobs racked my body he was silent, a hand on my hand and back.

After what felt like years and I had nothing left to cry about he stared at me, cupping my face in my hands. "Ester Briant, stop holding all of this in. What the hell am I here for? I'm not going to leave you just because you needed a shoulder to cry on like every fucking person in the world." "But-" "No. What have I been telling you for the god's sake? Since we first met. I know it's hard but you have to put a little trust in me."

My voice was hoarse after that past hour, but I managed, "I'll try Mat." He nodded and let my face go. "Good, because next time I'll remind you of this." Without realizing I thought, god I love him.

This stopped what I was about to say cold in my tracks.

"Huh, why are you looking at me that way?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, and I just laughed. "Don't worry about it, it's not bad. I think." I replied, finally a smile crossing my face and I could tell Matthew was relieved.