Healing

PROLOGUE

"Ohh ntwana yamii(my dawg),I heard that you got full house A's" my best and only friend Skhumbuzo exclaims excitedly as he comes to stand where im sitting giving me a handshake. I gladly accept the "congrats" handshake but I do so lifting up my head and quirking an eyebrow wondering who his source is. Seeing this he answers "i oledy lakho(your mother) has been shouting for everyone at the tavern to hear" with a shrug as if saying "hawu awazi(don't you know)?". Well i didn't know,matter of fact im surprised, not surprised at the fact that its only 10am and she's already at the tavern drinking some old dirty man dry who she will probably go home with. No,I'm surprised at the fact that she cares,cares enough to brag about it. Does she even understand what getting 7 distinctions means? Or is she merely repeating the words that came out of my mouth at 12am? Yeah I bet...

I stop myself before I start over thinking, "Kagiso,this is big boy we have to celebrate" says my best friend cheerfully with a look which suggests that he's already imagining the celebration. We are sitting at our street corner like young unemployed men which we are btw since we wrote our last paper last year November. I gaze up again at Skhumbuzo's face and I can tell he's super happy for me,for us...he got a B with 3 distinctions. Yeah my boy worked hard. Its a pity tho I cannot share in on his happiness. He sees my sad face,no doubt instantly knowing what is the matter. "Kuzolunga boy,unga warri (everything will be fine dawg) he tries to console me but I'm inconsolable.

His comforting words I have grown all too familiar with. I know that he's trying but sometimes I wish that he could stop. My situation is beyond us,it even looks like its beyond GOD,if there is a GOD at that. I have been praying,been praying for a miracle,been praying for my mom to change...for the drinking to stop,the abuse,her bringing different men at home,her treating me like im not her child. Its as if im a thorn in her flesh well she does say that but still it hurts.

"Has any university replied yet?" I ask him about his applications seeing that results are out and all. I'm also trying to steer his attention. With how his eyes are full of pity and sorrow for me,he might turn into a Pastor or a therapist or even a motivational speaker. And that's the last thing I need RN,to be made to sit and reflect on it all. "Lutho(nothing) boy,they haven't replied" he let's me know. I should say something encouraging,be like him and say "kuzolunga boy unga warri (everything will be fine)" or something along those lines but nah. I'm not about that,besides results just came out,its still early. He will receive those acceptance emails...I mean which university wouldn't want to take him with his great results? So I simply stand up embracing him in a brotherly hug.

And me? I couldn't apply. My drunkard of a mother lost my birth certificate a few years ago. I think she gave it to a loanshark as collateral because how does a birth certificate just disappear? And matric? My Physics teacher was fond of me so she made a plan so i can register and write as I couldn't get an ID without that yellowish paper that proves my existence. And obviously dearest mother couldn't be more bothered.

We are now back to speaking about us celebrating our achievements, "angina mali mina boy (I don't have the money dawg)" I immediately excuse myself from whatever he is planning. Saying these words doesn't hurt me anymore...that I don't have the means to participate,to have fun like other kids. Nope i have stopped comparing myself to them a long time ago. It clicked in ages ago that I'm not like my peers,not as privileged as them,not as loved as them. And honestly accepting your situation as it is instead of always aiming to fit in or impress your friends is so much better. Like ngivele ngithi angi na mali(I just say that I don't have money) and that's it. Lying will only cause me unneeded stress.

"Kagiso boy,you know that I'd never abandon you. You are my best friend,I will make a plan for us" these words I have heard them way too many times from my best friend. And true to his word,he has never abandoned me,he treats me like I'm his brother. He is always looking out for me and I really appreciate that. This nigga has helped me out a lot,whenever I was hungry and my mom locked me outside,he allowed me into his home and made me food.