I caught him texting someone else. He was taking a shower that day when his phone suddenly vibrated. Isang pangalang hindi ko kilala. She said, 'I miss you.'
When he got home, sinabi ko ito sa kanya. I didn't scream. I just asked, "Who is she?"
He just laughed a little. Sabi niya, "Don't make a big deal out of small things, she's just a friend." It felt like the years we spent together lost all meaning in that one sentence.
I didn't believe him. In all the years we were together, he never had a female friend. I stayed quiet, nasanay na siguro akong masaktan. I didn't even cry.
The next day, when I woke up, he was no longer in the house. I didn't look for him anymore. Inisip ko na lang na sumama siya sa babae niya. At least tumigil na siyang maging problema. The pain I had been carrying for a long time was gone.
One day, while I was cooking. May kumatok na pulis sa pinto. Sabi nila, my husband had been reported missing. Ilang araw na raw siyang hindi pumapasok sa work.
To be honest, I didn't feel anything when I heard that.
Napatingin ako sa itsura ng mga pulis. They looked tired. So I offered them to come in, and eat while we talked about my husband.
Pinuri nila ang luto ko, saying "This is really good". While they ate, I watched their mouths—how they swallowed. I felt happy because they appreciated my cooking.
After they finished eating, they left. They said they eould come back if may questions pa sila or if there was any news about him.
Days passed. No one came back. Minsan ay nakasalubong ko sila, and one of them said "How are you doing?". I just smiled at them, and asked about my husband's case.
But the truth is, hindi na nila mahahanap ang asawa ko. Dahil kinain na nila ang ebidensya. Wala nang hahanapin.
I didn't even have to struggle to hide the body, because they helped me swallow it.
When I got home, I ate alone. Yung mga natira sa fridge. Pareho pa rin ng lasa.
While kinakain ko ito, I waited for fear, for guilt. But I felt nothing.
I realized that it wasn't anger that pushed me. It wasn't jealousy either. It was pagod. I was tired being lied to, tired if hoping and waiting na magbabago pa siya.
I smiled. Hindi ko ito pinagsisishan, because deap inside, ginusto ko ring patayin siya. At doon ako kinilabutan. Not because of what I did , but because I knew I would do it again if I had to.
But in the end , I was happy knowing na wala na siya. Because finally, wala na akong papatawarin pa.
