a beautiful boy // byler

i. art club

Freshman fall is not for the weak. College is a huge adjustment. Everything all of a sudden counts, and everything is much harder than it used to be. They say it's a lot easier if you have an old friend with you, but who knows if that's true? All Will knows is, he was lucky enough to find a group he fit right into. The Grove University Art Program. He was an Art History minor, with a major in Graphic Design, and the people he met in his classes seemed to really like him.

He was immediately swept into university life - college night at the bar on Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday, parties Friday nights, darties and tailgates on Saturdays with kickbacks in the evening, and the immediate coffee and greasy food hangover cure Sunday mornings with a complete lock-in to all homework assignments in the afternoon. College kids could find any excuse to party. Will didn't mind, he was fitting in for the first time in his life and finally felt like he could be himself.

He was presently walking to the art studio with a couple of his friends, when he saw a horribly familiar face sketching away in the corner.

"Troy?" Will asked, hoping his mind was playing tricks on him. His heart raced as he approached the easel which concealed a brunet young man, praying that the guy who caused him countless hours of tears and self-hatred in the days of his youth wasn't really here right now, in what Will considered to be his safest space on campus.

"Woah, Will, you know Troy?" Cat Lindor was a senior Art major who'd immediately taken a liking to Will and insisted she take him under his wing. "Troy is my GOAT! We met during orientation - top five coolest guys I know. Next to you, of course." She winked at him.

"Hey, Will," Troy started. "Nice to see you again."

"Well, this changes everything! You guys both have to come to my house for the func tonight! There will be drinks a-plenty, do not fear. I'm so hyped!" Cat was teeming with short-lived excitement, when Will rushed her into the hall.

"Cat, man, I don't know. Troy was, like, a huge bully to me in middle school. It took me so long to come out because he, like, genuinely traumatized me."

"C'mon Will, just give him a chance. I'm sorry that he hurt you, but I promise he's nothing like that anymore. Just tonight, pretty please..." she batted her eyelashes at him.

"Okay, but if he says anything weird at all, I'm leaving and dropping you until he's out of the picture." Will was reluctant to accept her proposal, but Troy looked a little softer and much more mature. Not that Will relied on appearances to judge anybody, but they certainly helped.

That evening, Will took the shuttle up to Capri Heights and walked his way to Cat's two-story. She had three roommates, Isa, Ronnie, and Lexi, all of whom were equally as cool as Cat. He opened the door and was greeted by a few colorful lights, loud reggae music, and an array of bottles and cans on the kitchen island. He sucked back a few shots, knowing there were too many people here to be anywhere close to sober, secured a hard seltzer, and scoured the premises for Cat's glowing pink hair. Nowhere to be found, he walked to her room.

Bingo! She was sitting on her bed rolling a joint with Lexi, and on the floor were Max and... Troy. Just as Will was about to turn on his heels and find one of Cat's roommates, she squealed his name and frantically patted the spot next to her, insistent that he come and sit and smoke with them. Will didn't smoke that frequently, but he knew how to handle a few puffs from watching his older brother do it as a fresh adult. Plus, he was kind of looking to fade from being in the same room as the reason he refused to love himself for so long.

They finish rolling and light the fat, brown cigarette, passing it in a circle between the five. Cat goes first, making sure the joint is burning properly. She hands it to Will. He basically remembers how to inhale, doing it for longer than he should but counting the seconds. He hands it to Troy, and their hands briefly graze each other, making Will's stomach turn. He coughs.

"So, you still draw?" Troy asks him before taking a hit and passing it to Max.

"Yeah, you know," Will musters, barely above the chatter of the three girls. "Kind of hard not to, being here."

Troy nodded, like that meant something to him. Like he was filing it away. Max clocked the awkwardness of the two and started talking to Will about makeup. How he should try a little eyeliner or glitter on his cheeks. Will puffs the joint again. The high sets in and Will leans into it, placing his weight against Cat's plush figure. She giggles and wraps her arm around him. The joint is in his hands for a third time. He takes a smaller hit, knowing how cross-faded he already is, and then excuses himself to the bustling living room. The crowd and music is much more bearable now. He couldn't imagine what it would be like to be at a frat party. This group is all artsy kids, cool and interesting but still seeking stimulation. If he were an environment he fit into less, he'd probably freak. Great as parties were, Will was still a shy kid at heart. He sees a handsome stranger and makes eye contact. Oh, and the stranger makes his way to Will. Ensenada by Sublime was on and the two began singing (poorly) the lyrics to each other.

"I like your glitter," remarks Will.

"Thanks, dude," replies the man. "I'm Snyder, a Theatre major." He extends his hand to Will, who grasps it firmly and shakes it terribly.

"I'm Will," he says. "Sorry, I'm really fucked up right now. Do you want to dance?"

"I'd love to! And no worries, I'm pretty high, too."

Snyder takes his hand and leads him to the center of the living room. The two shimmy and wave their arms, mumbling lines they don't exactly know, but smiling the whole time. This is how it feels to be a young gay, it suddenly occurs to Will. After so many years of repression, he feared he'd miss out on all the key experiences, but out of nowhere he begins to realize that his life has only just begun. After a few more minutes of dancing with Snyder, he excuses himself to go have a cigarette on the back porch.

Creeping outside, he notices none other than Troy Walsh sitting on the patio table.

"Hey, Will, do you have a light?" Troy inquires, awkwardly.

"Um, I don't- I don't really... yeah, I do," Will replies, handing it over after lighting his own Camel Crush.

"I've thought about middle school more than I should." Troy starts, but gets no acknowledgment from the other boy.

The two smoke in silence, Troy staring at the distance, Will scrolling on his phone. Once Will's cigarette is out, he slips back inside without another word.