Love Before Lust

chapter 1: The Line Between Us

Carmen

It was late Friday night, and Carmen had just wrapped up her chores and finished the homework due Monday. She grabbed her Bible, lit her favorite lavender candle, and prepared for her usual nightly prayer time with the Lord.

But her mind kept wandering.

She couldn’t stop thinking about how Lander laughed at her joke earlier that day in Psych class. Not just laughed—really laughed. Like she lit something up inside him.

Does he… like me? More than just friends?
The way he says her name sometimes—with that soft kind of tone—it made her chest flutter and her thoughts spin. Was she imagining it?

She bit her lip, suddenly anxious. Is this real… or just another temptation dressed in romance?

Her eyes shot open—she realized she’d drifted off mid-prayer.

“I’m sorry, God,” she whispered. “I got distracted again.”

She closed her eyes and refocused. This time, she meant every word.

“Lord, if this is love, let it be patient. If it’s not… remove it before it grows too deep.”

She closed her journal, turned off the light, and laid back on her bed. The glow of her salt lamp hummed gently in the corner. She stared at the ceiling, her thoughts still spinning. She wanted to believe love could be pure, holy—even as a teen. But she didn’t want to lie to herself. Not again.

She glanced at her phone. A part of her hoped she’d see a message from Lander.

Nothing.

She sighed, rolled over, and pulled the blanket to her chin.

“God, if this is from You... I’ll wait.”

---

Lander

Lander had just come home from youth group and hopped out of a long, hot shower. Clean body, chaotic mind. He sat at his desk, earbuds in, blasting Right Over Wrong by Alex Jean as he absentmindedly sketched in his notebook.

A few lines turned into eyes.

Then lips.

Then… her.

Carmen’s face stared back at him from the page.

He leaned back, exhaling hard. His thoughts trailed back to Bible study—the way she looked at him when they talked about grace. Like she saw him. Not the class clown version, not the overthinker—just him.

But the warmth quickly turned cold.

No. I’m not doing this again.

He knew that look in himself too well. He’d let his feelings turn into fantasies before. He was battling lust daily, and he wasn’t about to fall again—not now.

He crumpled the drawing and chucked it in the trash.

Grabbing his journal off the nightstand, he opened it and started writing.

“God, I wanna honor You. I really do. But why’d You make her so perfect? I’m trying to fight my flesh, but I’m falling for her hard. And I don’t know if I can love her the way she deserves.”

He closed the journal, quietly hoping God would say something—maybe in a dream.

He picked up his phone and started typing:

“Hey… u up?”

A pause.

Delete.

He locked the phone, tossed it onto the bed, and rolled over to face the wall. Sleep came slow.

But her name lingered.

---

Carmen (the next morning)

The Saturday sun peeked through the curtains, lighting up Carmen’s room with a soft gold glow. She blinked against it, feeling the weight of last night’s thoughts still pressing on her chest.

She reached for her phone—still nothing from Lander. Her heart sank a little.

She got up, grabbed her Bible, and sat by the window. Morning devotions always helped settle her. She flipped to Proverbs, then paused.

A new notification popped up.

Youth Group Chat: "Mini Retreat @ Pastor Dave’s Cabin — Next Weekend 🙌🔥 Pack light. Pray heavy."

Carmen blinked. Retreat? That meant overnight. That meant her and Lander would be around each other for days… with no school distractions.

Her heart jumped.

She texted back a simple “I’m in.” Then stared at the empty space where Lander’s name sat. Should she message him first?

She typed: “Excited for the retreat?”

Sent.

Now all she could do was wait.

---

Lander (same morning)

His phone buzzed against the nightstand. Lander rolled over, squinting at the brightness.

Text from Carmen: “Excited for the retreat?”

He sat up.

He wasn’t expecting that. And it hit different—like maybe she was trying to bridge the distance he created by saying nothing last night.

He smiled to himself. Typed back:

“Lowkey yeah. Gonna be interesting. You?”

He paused.

Then added:

“Maybe we’ll get time to talk?”

He hit send before he could regret it.

The battle was still on—but today, hope had the upper hand.

---

Carmen (Saturday afternoon)

Later that day, Carmen was sprawled across her bed, headphones in, Christian girl playlist going. Lauren Daigle, DOE, Chandler Moore—the ones that hit when your heart’s too loud to hear God clearly.

Her phone lit up. FaceTime: Zariah 💛💬

Carmen answered. “Z! Wassup?”

Zariah’s face popped up on the screen, messy bun and all. “Girl. I know something’s up. Your energy is giving ‘holy but distracted.’ Spill.”

Carmen laughed but also kinda froze. “It’s nothing. Just school stuff.”

Zariah raised a brow. “Lander stuff?”

Silence.

Carmen tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “…maybe.”

Zariah smirked. “I KNEW IT. You've been talking about him in parables for months. You like him.”

Carmen sighed. “I don’t even know if he likes me back. And even if he does... What if this is just my heart playing tricks on me? What if I’m confusing butterflies with conviction?”

Zariah nodded, suddenly more serious. “Okay, real talk? You can like someone and still put Jesus first. It’s not sin to feel. It’s what you do with the feelings that matters.”

Carmen looked out the window, her voice softer now. “I think I like him... but I want God more.”

Zariah leaned in closer to the camera. “Then don’t settle for a boy who won’t fight for God with you.”

They sat in silence for a beat. No preaching. No noise. Just two girls trying to walk the line between desire and devotion.

Then Zariah grinned. “Anyway, what you wearin’ to the retreat? We gotta come holy and cute.”

Carmen cracked up. “I’m thinkin’ jeans, hoodie, and a cross necklace. Holy baddie vibes.”

Zariah clapped. “Yesss! Anointed and aesthetic.”