Letters to Lexi

Week Two

Dear Lexi,

Every day is getting harder and harder. I have been going through the craziest rollercoaster of emotions this past week. I took a look at your Facebook page to see how you were in your final months. My goodness were you troubled! It was difficult seeing so many negative posts. I wanted to first say that I’m sorry that guy Jared hurt you. I don’t know what he did to you specifically, but it must have been bad. I could tell by reading those posts that you felt alone. And I’m sorry for not being there.

I haven’t forgotten about my promises though. Despite how I feel about my life, I have helped so many people with their issues. Just last night I found out that three of my friends don’t feel they should be on this earth anymore. And that hurt my heart. I learned of a fourth friend wanting to do the same thing earlier in the week. It has been crazy. I have opened up my arms for those who are in need and it makes me so happy that I am making a difference in these people’s lives.

This process has taught me two things: be strong for those who lean on you and confide in friends when necessary. The most important of these lessons is to confide in friends.

I think it is already obvious that I am hurting. I’ve made it as vocal as I can to those who will listen. The best part about having friends is that when your heart physically aches from emotional pain, they will come running to pick you up. Lexi, I can relate so much to how you were feeling at times. I was looking through blogs, and I saw a picture with some words on it. It said, “Sometimes the girl who’s always been there for everyone else needs someone to be there for her”. I’m not saying that no one was there for you, but in your mind, that wasn’t enough. But I can relate because for years I have been able to hide how I feel and put on a mask to stand tall for those who need me. I offer advice, provide a shoulder to cry on, lend a listening ear and a helping hand. You know full well that a person can only be strong for so long before he or she begins to break. I felt like an elevator, trying to lift everyone up. I had reached my maximum occupancy and as result begun to break.

That’s when the power of friends became real.

Like mechanics they began working on what was broken, lifting me back up so that I could lift others up. It feels good to know that people care about you. I know you know that feeling too, Lexi.

Whenever you feel alone, confide in friends. Never forget the true power of friends. No matter how alone you feel, you are significant to somebody. You are important to somebody. You matter to somebody. The friends you surround yourself with will be able to lift you up back to your old self. Those people didn’t learn to love you when you were sad; they learned to when you were happy, silly, goofy, and fun to be around. Let them restore your broken soul.

However, let’s not forget the power and reach of your touch to people you don’t know.

Recently, I have received a few messages from anonymous sources. They tell me that I will be alright. They tell me that I matter to a lot of people. Those kinds of messages just show me how far I have touched people. I saw the same thing with you Lexi. You have touched people’s lives ALL OVER THIS COUNTRY! It is so amazing to see that!

So because I was able to confide in my friends and get rebuilt, I am able to stand strong for those who maybe need a little pick me up. Every time I help those in need, I do in honor of you. I do it while thinking of you. I do it wishing I could have done it for you. Every day I think about the moments before you kicked the chair from under you and hung there. I think about what was going through your mind. I think about if I was there, what I could have said to dissuade you. I think about what I could have said days, weeks, even months before you made that decision. And though it tears me apart inside, I realize that my work is not done. I have other people to save. All in honor of you; because I know you would be doing the same thing right now.

I leave you this week with a quote. I read this one while looking at blogs as well. “People come into our life for a reason, and even if only for a short time, they still helped to shape us into who we are.” You have done just that for me and so many others, which is why you will never die. You live in each of us.

Until next time with love always,

Daron