NOT MY TYPE • YEONGYU

11. Unsaid questions & unfaced truths

It there any bad that could be worse than him?

He's the worst.

“Thanks ”

Yeonjun's voice drawls. He stood up, having the sudden feeling of throwing up. All Beomgyu had done after coming in his life was to make him feel worser than ever.

He never felt this low for anything.

Never had regretted this much of his deeds.

All in the presence of Beomgyu.

Like —only the presence of the younger guy was too much on his shoulder that he couldn’t move.

He walked off the teacher’s room. Caring almost nothing of the whispers lingering behind him. People whispered bullshits ; he didn’t care about.

All he could think of was beomgyu. The way the guy moved this morning. The run he made this morning while getting into the car -the faint taunt of how he may be is hurting.

Every muscles of his body wanted to run towards the room if only he knew which class Beomgyu was in.

To apology.

To beg for forgiveness.

However mistakes don’t vanish with apologise. They stays.

They lingers and hurts in the worst way possible.

They burns.

Make guilty in every part of life.

Forgiveness is not given, it's earned. However Yeonjun knew it so well.

He groaned in silence. His ribs hurt almost as if would come out in hands. His eyes rolled so hard that he wondered how they didn’t unplug from their skulls.

Why the feeling was so hard?

Why is he thinking too much?

Why is he caring for someone, he's not supposed to look up for?

For an obligation, that doesn’t deserve even ten seconds of this concern.

Why is he worried?

He asked himself and got no answer in return.

He passed each of those questions which could make him sleep at night but that only triggers him to the edge that he's sure, he's not gonna get the sleep he's trying too hard get.

He passed the collider of the uni. The report card of beomgyu felt heavy in his hand. He unconsciously squeezed the paper between his palms.

By the time he reached to his car the whispers became nonexisting to him. He heard just as much as he needed to.

Inside the car, he held on his phone. Heart hammering against his ribs. The phone screen brightening with Beomgyu's contact number on top of it. The glow hovered over his face in the stillness of the car.

He didn’t know whether to click the contact or not. After what he had done, he should definitely earn the the forgiveness he lost himself into but something into him helds him back.