It's been a very long time since I've sat down and written. I'm not going to call this a dairy because that's certainly not what this is. And lord knows I'm too old for that. It's been a long time since I've sat down and genuinely enjoyed writing, the enjoyment and safety I felt in it were taken. I'll get to that later. For now let's get started on the basics and where I'm at now....
We finally moved, mom got that big promotion she was hoping for and I'm just so so SO excited, yeah no I hate it and everything about having to move. What am I going to do in a town where I know no one, I have no way to get around or even know how to get around?? She expects me to be happy for her so every-time she asks I smile and nod enthusiastically at whatever she's saying which I should probably stop doing because that's how I ended up with vermillion walls. Which I guess don't really matter, I don't live here permanently anymore but mom insisted I set up my own room here so I'll always have a home to come back to. After this summer I go back to college back to my normal, where the barista knows my order, studying in the library and just anything but acting like everything is normal. Dad is outside setting something up on the patio, that's how it's been lately, dad's always working on a project of his own while mom does her own thing. It wasn't always like this though, we use to sit down for game night and accuse each other of cheating, we would do Karaoke on the way to the bowling alley pretty much any cheesy picture perfect family memory there is we did it, but it all suddenly stopped. Everyone became so wrapped in their own worlds, I guess that's life right. What's the saying "life's a bitch and then you die" I've always thought of it to be a little extreme but I guess to each their own. I've recently heard I need to let stuff go which is true I hold on to it forever because it hurt and whatever it was taught me something but that's not helping me any... I think it's time I let go of some stuff, stuff that's needs to be said or at least acknowledged. I've been thinking I owe some people apologies and some people owe me apologies but some bridges have been burned and can't be recrossed. I guess it's time I express some of this feelings rights? Well here it goes....
Dear Pizza Prince
I'm unsure of why I decided to write to your first but I guess it makes the most sense whenever I think of the worst things I've done you pop up, partly because of the hurt you caused but also because of the guilt. After that night when you couldn't defend me to your friend in a public setting it told me everything, we were never friends. I over played my part big time! Here I was covering for you and protecting your reputation yet you couldn't care less about me. The time you invited me over for a bbq I thought "oh cool we are actually friends" but no you wanted my friend Estella. I didn't feel any type of way about it but I should've known from the embarrassment I felt leaving something wasn't right. Because why did I have to walk down the street in the dark by myself?? Then came the lying to your girlfriend for you, I should've never done that but trust I've repaid my karma and then some. Anyway I don't really have much else to say to you but I'm sorry for the hurt I caused. The fake account was too much. I took it too far. Goodbye
<3 Summer
The letter thing was supposed to make me feel better but it feels a little weird. Here I am sitting on my bedroom floor writing a letter to someone I haven't seen or heard from in years. Yeah that really does sound crazy.... I guess it's time for me to put my big girl panties on and go explore this new place I call home.
