SO COLD (18+) currently editing

Chapter 20

"Stop it!" I tried grabbing onto her wrists to stop her crazed bout of self-harm but trying to keep hold of her was a task: she wrestled away from me, whacking herself ferociously. It was inane, she was preposterous: I almost laughed.

Instead I left.

*

James stared in disbelief as I told him a watered down version of the events. He looked worn out, tired, bags of sleepless nights dragged his eyes down. His shirt was too tight on his chest, as if he had inhaled and forgot to exhale. He rested one hand in alignment with his head on the closed front door and his other hand hung by his side. "That woman isn't fit to be a guardian. I don't understand how she loses your brother and attacks you."

"I think she's had a mental breakdown." I didn't mean to apologise for her or garner James' sympathy for her so I quickly added: "Either that or she's sick of us. She's probably been wanting to wash her hands of us since Dad first went left." It took me a second to realised I had not said he'd gone missing like I had been chanting since the beginning of time.

"I don't know what to say. I couldn't imagine doing that to my son, Nolan. He's six, lives with his Mum." He said and glanced away to the right, likely thinking of his child, momentarily lost in a memory or a mental image. "Have you called him? Tried his friends? Maybe he's staying with one of them."

Tried his phone once – it was turned off – and of course, I called his friends. None of them had heard from him since they broke up for school. The little worms were more interested in Dad. What's it like living with a killer? Does he have a gun? You're so lucky! they had gushed, adoring fans of my bastard father. I ended the call immediately. Seth hung out with freaks. Weirdos who needed to see there was a whole outside world that didn't involve Call of Duty. "What about an uncle or aunt? Any cousins?" James pressed.

"Dad only has Jade. We don't really talk to Mum's side. Haven't in well, since Mum died. Dad moved us away and cut ties."

"Dickhead."

"Mmm."

"You could stay at Irvin's."

"I think I'm gonna stay here." I gestured to my house. We were in the hallway, empty and cold. The early January cold crept in through every nook and cranny. It was weird being back here and walking up the steps in the front garden, I could've sworn a curtain twitched, a nosy neighbour peering, eyes widening at the town's famous murderer's daughter and I rushed in before they could pick up the telephone to ring the Daily Mail. They'd make a story out of anything and feed it to their homophobic, racist, brain dead audience.

James paused long enough to elaborate on why I didn't want to stay with Irvin, when I didn't speak, he said. "If not Irvin, maybe Doriano or Charles? I suppose I could convince Cole to put up with you for a few days. Anything will be better than here. There's no electricity."

I wasn't some sorry case of baggage that people played pass-the-parcel with. "I'd rather sleep on the streets." I said, bothered with the trouble I was obviously causing him.

"Well, maybe now's a good time to have a family reunion." He looked frustrated with me and told me he'd go search for my younger brother. I was under strict orders to not call the police–I questioned why but James barked to drop it, saying he'd take care of it–and to stay put, somewhere he could find me if need be. He didn't bother hiding how eager he was to leave: too tired to deal with my obviously childlike and ignorant ways.

I didn't listen to James, of course. I went out to the town centre, checking the local McDonalds, the public library and the parks. Anywhere Seth could be. I had no luck. I sat in my Shogun outside Jade's place for a while, hand on key, parked a couple doors down in case Jade had lied and perhaps Seth would return.