I felt so upset, I just wanted to listen to music and hide in my room forever. Why would she say that about me, I always tried to be nice to people but everyone still hates me. I know I just promised Jesse so I try my hardest not to think about cutting. I decided to go and sleep trying to clear my head. While I was sleeping I had a dream. It was about me and Jesse. We where at my house watching a movie, then out of nowhere he started yelling at me, saying I was worthless, that he hated me, only dated me out of pity, that he never really loved me.
I woke up and jilted forward that was terrible, what if those things where true. What if he actually never loved me, what if he just pretended to, I was crying. I couldn't stop crying, out of all the people in my life I never expected him to hate me also. But it was just a dream it could never come true. Right? But what if it does come true, what if he actually does hate me, what if he only dated me out of pity. I just kept crying. I heard all these voices in my head, saying I was worthless, a slut, a whore, a cunt, that I didn't need love, that I should go back to hell, that they never liked me anyway.
I walked into my bathroom still bawling. I just kept thinking of what everyone said to me, how I have no one, I was crying so hard I threw up. I just wanted to end it all. No more pain, no more people to let me down, no more bullying. It was my escape from everything. I grabbed a razor blade from one of the drawers. I slide it across my wrist, I could feel the pain go away with the blood coming out of the cuts, I just kept cutting my wrists, I was starting to get dizzy but I kept cutting I wanted it all to end, I wanted to die, I didn't want to be here anymore.
Jesse's POV
I was on my way to Ashley's house. I pulled into the drive way and went into the house her parents where not home so I just walked threw the dining room a and kitchen looking for Ashley, then I heard someone talking, mumbling about everyone hating them, and wanting to end it all, it was Ashley's voice, I walked toward where the voice was coming from. It was coming from the bathroom. I started to walk faster to words where the sound was coming from, I could hear her crying. I tried opening the door, but it was locked. I knocked on the door and Ashley just cried harder then told me too leave. I kept trying to open the door slamming up against it but it wouldn't open. I kept yelling at her telling her to open the door. She kept saying, "they wanted me to die, I can't do it anymore. I'm not strong enough. I love you Jesse"
I said back to her, "no Ashley don't day goodbye, open the door, Ashley, baby open the door, don't do this." I couldn't take it anymore, I was done with trying to reason with her I'm calling 9-1-1. I dialed 911 and told them what happened. I broke the door down, I stopped hearing Ashley I was worried. When I got in she was laying on the ground passed out from losing so much blood. Their was blood all around her. I picked her up and ran out of the house with her in my arms I started to run up her drive way with her when I saw the ambulance, I waved them down and they took her into the ambulance.
I got to ride along with her, I called her parents and told them what happened. They where so upset and they said they would meet us at the hospital. We pulled into the hospital and they rushed her inside.
Ashley's POV
( three hours later)
I woke up with a bright light that hurt my eyes. I slowly opened my eyes, I asked my self, 'where am I?' It looked like a hospital, I looked to the other side and then I heard a voice say, "she is awake." It sounded like Jesse, he walked closer and held my hand. He then said, "how are you doing baby girl." I looked up at him, I was so confused what happened, why was I here? I asked, "where an I?"
He answered, "you are at the hospital, do you remember what happened?"
I shook my head 'no' and then went on saying, "last thing I remember was I woke up, I had a bad dream, then I was crying, I went into the bathroom..." Then I remembered.....I tried to kill myself....
Jesse hugged me while I was crying, he rubbed my back and he kept saying, " it is alright, I'm here now baby, it's ok. I'll never leave you. I love you so much."
I just cried more, I felt like such an idiot, why would I do that. I don't even remember most of it, did I almost die. What if Jesse came ten minutes later, would I have died. What would it be like if I died. Would people Come my funeral, would people miss me? All these thought came rushing through my head. I was still hugging Jesse.
But I kind of wanted to just die, what would people say, would some of my friends not want to be friends with me anymore. Would people treat me differently, did people even know of this.
I wish that Jesse didn't save me, that I just died. I know it would be better for him, he could date someone better for him. Why couldn't he be late like usual why couldn't I have cut faster or deeper. I just wanted to be dead right now, I will have no friends. Everyone will just stare at me while I walk threw the hallway, no one will miss me. It's not like I'm popular.
