If This Is What It Feels Like (Joshler)

four (part 2 - Tyler)

Shit. Josh found out. I lie down in his bed, in his body, in his clothes. He knows, and now I know that he doesn't feel the same. God, I'm such an idiot. Why does this always have to happen to me? Can I just love someone who'll love me back? Faggot. Why can't I just like Jenna or something? A tear runs down my cheek and onto the pillow. It smells like him. Everywhere. God, I need to just give up. I close my eyes, trying to sleep. I hear Josh gagging. Is he okay? I'll just check on him later. I need a nap.

After 30 minutes, I hear his door- my door- open and close. I hesitate for about 10 minutes before getting him a glass of water and bringing it to his room. I knock gently. I feel something inside me changing.

"Josh?"

"Tyler? Come in."

I smile nervously as I open the door. "About earlier... And uhm... I brought you this. I heard you..." I say as I hand him the glass.

"Thank you. What about earlier?" He asks, taking a big drink of water.

"I just wanted to apologize again. I know apologizing won't really change anything, but..." I look down, fidgeting with my fingernails.

"Stop. It's okay, Tyler. I think that..." He trails off, not finishing his sentence and shaking his head. "Nevermind."

I step a bit closer. "No. Tell me." I stare down at him, whispering. "I think I know what you're going to say."

"You do...?"

I nod.

"Show me." He whispers back.

I reach for his hand, pulling him to his feet. "I feel something changing, Josh. Like a piece of you is still in here." I pause. "In here." I point to my chest. His chest. His heart. "Realization, or something like that. It's new. New in here, but... Not in there." I point to him, my own body.

He steps closer.

I stare into his eyes.

He takes both of my hands in his, pulling my body flush against his. I tilt my head ever so slightly, leaning closer.

"You were right. Completely correct." He mutters.

I slowly slide my hands up his arms and wrap them around his neck.

"If that's what it feels like, I need to pick up a psychology book." He chuckles.