𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐂 || 𝐑𝐄𝐆𝐔𝐋𝐔𝐒 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊

10 - inheritance of the unchosen

┏━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━┓

The three of them sat in stiff-backed chairs, porcelain cups raised halfway to their mouths, staring. A hush had fallen over their little table in awe of the spectacle unfolding three tables away.

A boy in fourth year Hufflepuff robes was on his knees, clutching the hand of a Ravenclaw girl with curls so tight they looked like springs about to snap. He was pleading in a voice just loud enough to carry over the tinkle of enchanted harps and the cooing of painted cherubs fluttering on the ceiling.

"I only told her she had nice quills, Elspeth! You're the only one I've ever loved—"

"Nice quills?" Elspeth's shriek nearly toppled the sugar bowl. "Do you know how many girls in this school would kill to be told they had NICE QUILLS?"

The boy's reply was drowned out by the swoop of a cherub, who shot a heart-shaped puff of glittering steam straight between them. Elspeth coughed furiously and slapped the puff away.

That was it. Anne snorted into her teacup. Mary clamped a hand over her mouth, shoulders shaking. Elowen lasted perhaps three seconds more before she choked out a laugh, nearly spilling Earl Grey down her front.

Anne wheezed, setting down her cup, "This place is a crime to the entire institution of romance. If I am ever proposed to in Madame Puddifoot's, you may assume I've been imperiused."

Mary dabbed at her eyes, still laughing. "The cherubs alone are grounds for annulment."

Elowen leaned back, surveying the rose-festooned room, where couples whispered sweet nothings at tables crammed so close together the waitresses had to shuffle sideways.

"Well," she said, with mock-solemnity, "at least the tea is drinkable."

They all took another sip in unison.

A cherub shot another puff across the room. This one formed the words KISS ME in shimmering pink script above the quarreling couple. Elspeth burst into tears.

Anne fanned herself dramatically with the menu, which was printed in curling pink script so loopy it was practically illegible. "No wonder these poor fourth-years are losing their minds. This place is designed to rot your brain."

Elowen leaned over, squinting at it. "What even is a 'Passion Petal Latte'? Is that just... tea with flowers in it?"

That sent Anne into another fit. She dropped the menu on the table like it had personally offended her. "Imagine bringing someone here and thinking it's romantic. It's like proposing in Zonko's."

Mary countered, stirring her tea. "At least Zonko's has entertainment value."

As if on cue, another cherub swooped low, releasing a puff that exploded in pink glitter over a Ravenclaw couple snogging in the corner. Mary brushed sparkles from her sleeve with deep offense. "Case in point."

They dissolved again, the laughter barely contained, drawing a glare from the couple nearest them.

When they finally calmed, Anne sighed, eyes still dancing. "Merlin help us. If this is what passes for courtship, no wonder the Hogwarts dating pool is a swamp."

"Swamp's generous," Mary said. "It's a puddle. A puddle with leeches."

Anne grinned. "Right. Delilah's got Evan—the only decent catch left, and frankly he's so pretty I'm still not convinced he's real. Noah's off-limits. And Rory—"