I heaved a deep sigh dahil natamaan ako roon.
"Lagi ninyong tatandaan..." ngumiti ang pari habang nililibot niya ang paningin sa lahat ng nagsimba. "Magiging maayos din ang lahat."
Something in my heart throbbed at that.
"Not everything in life is good, but God is here with us to bring out something positive from it."
"We may walk in thorns, but with faith and belief in the Lord, the reward in the end is worth every step you take. Pagdating mo sa dulo, hindi mo namamalayang unti-unti nang nawawala ang mga sugat mo, makikita mo na lang na ayos ka na. Na worth it ang lahat."
I looked down, fighting the urge not to cry. Hindi pa nga ako nagsusumbong sa Diyos, nagbibigay na agad siya ng sagot.
"Sa lahat ng luhang umagos, pag-asang dahan-dahang nauubos. Sa lahat ng sakripisyong ginawa, paghihirap na dinaranas. Sa lahat ng nagmahal at bumitaw. Sa mga pangarap na nahihirapang tuparin. Sa lahat ng mga byaheng mahirap lakbayin. May we all cling to God and be reminded of His plans for us. That we are here with a purpose, we are living with His love."
My tears rolled down my cheeks as my eyes brimmed into tears.
"Balang araw, you will get what you deserve. You will get the greatest desires of your heart. All may not be well right now, but it will be. It will be."
"Someday" bulong ko.
Someday.
Natanggap ako sa local hospital sa lugar namin. I worked as a nurse for a couple of years. Binuhos ko ang lahat sa trabaho. I never opened my socials, I deactivated them all. Tinira ko lang ang Messenger ko para sa iilang pamilya at matatalik na kaibigan. May mga pagkakataon pa rin namang nag-aaral ako. Paunti-unti dahil natatakot akong may makalimutan na.
I saved for my studies. I helped my parents with our daily necessities. I provided out of unspoken responsibility. I was not obligated, but I have the means, so I still feel like I do.
May mga oras na napapaisip akong hindi na lang tumuloy maging doctor dahil baka hindi talaga para sa'kin. Na okay naman ang buhay ko bilang nurse, maayos rin naman ang sweldo. Pero sa tuwing nakikita ko kung paano gumalaw ang mga doktor sa hospital, para akong binubuhay. May apoy na nagpapaliwanag sa dilim ng loob ko.
Everytime they talk to me and ask for my opinion, para akong nasa med school pa rin. Sa tuwing nasa tabi ako bilang nurse, tinatawag nila ako at kinakausap na parang doktor ako.
They know me and my goal career in life. They never told me directly but they always have that air of assurance that I will be like them someday. That they believe in my capabilities.
"You will be a good doctor, Nurse Alvarado."
Iyon ang palagi nilang sambit. It was enough to keep my dream afloat. It was enough to keep the fire in me.
I started to search for medical schools that offers scholarships. I emailed, walked in, searched. Until I received an offer from a prestigious university. Full scholarship.
I was so happy I cried. Mahirap makahanap ng offers lalo na at isang taon na lang naman ako. Maybe it was my essay, my grades, my credentials. Nevertheless, I went on.
Dalawang taon bago ako nakapagpatuloy sa pag-aaral. Sa loob ng dalawang taon na 'yon, maraming nagbago. Yori graduated and became a licensed medical technologist kaya nakakaginhawa na kami lalo. Gumaling na rin si Papa at nagpatuloy sa trabaho niya. Unti-unti ay nakabawi na kami sa malaking utang dahil sa nangyari noon. Ang kambal ay nasa college na at tumutulong rin ako sa pagpapa-aral sa kanila. I am so delayed. My friends are now successful in their career while I am still stuck here. Although this time, despite the pinch of heaviness, I am more eager and complacent.
