Broken (Timids)

Explaining

" Drew, what caused this?" He asked, after a second of silence. He gestured to my arm as he spoke, which was full of the tell-tale red lines. I resisted the urge to tug down my sleeves but I didn't. He had already see them after all.

I tried to find the right words to say but nothing sprang to mind. If he knew how worthless I really felt, he would try to convince me that I wasn't. I didn't want lies like that in our friendship. If I told him that I saw no other way, he would tell me there is one. Again, he would be lying. If I told him it was my fault my parents died, he would leave me forever. That option hurt more than the others combined. I couldn't have Shane leave me, that would send me over the edge once and for all. I was only just clinging on right now.

" I don't know" I whispered, staring at my feet, unable to look him in the eye as I lied straight to his face. I knew he wouldn't be convinced.

" Drew, I'm worried that's all, please tell me" he begged.

" you shouldn't worry about me Shane, I'm fine" I said, the words falling naturally from my lips due to all the times I had said them. I didn't want Shane to worry about me.

" Drew, you're really not fine" he whispered. I just ignored him.

" Drew you can tell me anything, you know?" He whispered quietly. At his words, I could feel my walls crumble. As friends, we had repeated those words to each other countless times in an effort to help the other when they were upset. Those words had meaning behind them and they affected me more than anything else he could possibly say did. I looked up to see Shane inches away from me, his bright green eyes almost glowing through the darkness. I felt myself move a little closer to his warmth but he didn't stop me. Instead, he pulled me closer until we were nose to nose, his arms wrapped tightly around me. I didn't know what the feeling was but electricity coursed through my veins at his touch. I had never gotten any of this with the others. I was almost certain this wasn't what you were meant to feel with friends but I still liked it. But if I told him, all this would disintegrate in front of my eyes.

" Shane, I'm scared" I whispered. He looked at me questioningly. " I'm scared that if I tell you, I'll lose you and I couldn't bear it if that happened"

" Drew, you're stuck with me forever, I promise" he whispered, his warm breath hitting my face. Our fingers laced together and once again, I felt the Sparks at his touch. I pulled away slightly and pulled him to the sofa. He looked at me questioningly but allowed me to anyway. I sat him down before looking over at him. I couldn't believe I was about to do this but either way I was going to lose him. If I didn't tell him, he would think I didn't trust him and if I did tell him, he would be repelled. But I knew deep down that he deserved to know.

" I cut myself because I see no other option. I feel like I don't belong, like I'm worthless compared to the rest of the world. Luke is an amazing drummer, Laurence is an amazing writer, singer and quitarist, Kier an amazing singer, quitarist and he's so confident and you're, well, you" I tell him.

" Drew, you do belong here, I don't see you as worthless. You are amazing at bass, making other people laugh and you're so kind and thoughtful. I couldn't imagine life without you here because it would be so lifeless and dull. You spark energy within all of us. You're my timid Drew" Shane told me and my heart swelled with happiness. I knew Shane's words weren't true but the fact that he seemed to believe them so strongly made me happy.

" that's not everything though Shane" I whispered,tears pricking in my eyes at the thought of having to tell him the next part. He may be able to live with my self loathing but once he found out that my parents death was my fault...

" don't worry Drew, I won't judge you" he informed me, upon seeing the fear in my wide eyes. I nodded, hoping his words were true.

" My parents death... It was my fault" I whimpered, staring down at the floor so I didn't have to see the horrified expression on Shane's face. I screwed my eyes closed tightly, both to stop the tears from falling and so I didn't have to see him walk away from me. But he didn't. At least, I didn't hear the sound of his footsteps walking away and I could still feel the heat that was emanating from his skin. I waited for the harsh words that never came. Instead; silence.

" h-how?" Shane asked after a few minutes, his voice slightly shaky for some reason. Was he afraid of me? That thought unnerved me. I bet he thought I was going to kill him in his sleep now or something. He would never be able to trust me again.

" if I didn't ask them to go out that day to pick me up, they would have stayed at home and that car would never have..." I started, before bursting into a fit of tears. Shane immediately pulled me closer to his chest, which I sobbed helplessly against, images of my family flooding my brain. It was all my fault.

" Drew, sweetie, it doesn't work like that. You couldn't have known about that car and they could have decided to go out that day anyway and crashed anyway. It's not your fault, none of this is your fault" Shane whispered to me as he rubbed circles into my back. He continued to whisper reassuring words until I finally calm down a little.

I pull away, tears still rolling down my cheeks. I probably looked like a mess, with bright red eyes and cheeks.

" what's going to happen to me now?" I asked Shane desperately.

" I'm going to help you Drew. You are strong enough to beat this, I promise. I'll be with you every step of the way"