A Handful Of Moments You Wish You Could Change (Patrick Stump Imagine Story)

Baby Protocol

"Are you sure you're going to be okay this weekend?" You ask Patrick as you pack your bag. You're going to your mom's this weekend for your step-sister's dance recital. You don't know why, but your mom begged you to come. Something about how it would mean a lot to your step-sister, which you disagree with since the two of you couldn't care less about one another.

"(Y/N), how many times do I have to tell you? I'm going to be fine," He replies, making funny faces at your son who's sitting in his crib, giggling whenever Patrick makes a new face.

You heave a sigh and walk over, wrapping your arms around Patrick's torso and resting your chin on his shoulder, "Are you sure, Patrick? Because last time I left you alone with Ethan, I came home to him wearing a pair of my leggings as a diaper."

Patrick glances over his shoulder at you, "That was one time, (Y/N). One time!"

You giggle and give him a quick kiss on the lips, "Okay, I trust you."

He laughs, "Now I don't trust you."

You roll your eyes and back away from him, going back over to your bag, "It's just that this is the first time I'm going to be away for more than a couple of hours. I'm going be gone for two whole days, even longer when you consider the trip back and forth. So naturally I'm going to be worried."

"Well you shouldn't be. I'll have everything under control."

*****

"I don't know what you want, Ethan!" Patrick exclaims, shaking his hands in frustration, "Are you hungry? Are you tired? Do you need a new diaper? Talk to me! Say something! Anything!"

The four month old baby stops crying for a second, blinking his red and puffy eyes once or twice before bursting into tears again.

Patrick groans and covers his face with his hands. He drags them down his face and heaves a sigh, "How does (Y/N) do this?"

Just then, Patrick's cell phone starts going off in his pocket. He pulls it out and sees that it's Pete.

Pete, oh my god, he can help me. He has a kid. He probably knows what to do.

Patrick hastily answers the call and puts the phone up to his ear, not even giving his friend a chance to speak before rattling off, "Pete, I need your help."

On the other end of the line, Patrick hears Pete laugh, "What'd you do this time, Pat?"

"My baby won't stop crying and I don't know how to make him stop."

"Have you tried everything? Bouncing, rocking, giving him a pacifier, giving him some warm milk, check if he needs a new diaper? You know, baby protocol."

"I don't think anyone calls it that." Patrick pins the phone between his ear and shoulder and walks over to his son who's calmed down some - now he's only sniffling, his face red from sobbing his eyes out. He pulls back the top of his diaper. "Oh shit."

"What? Can't find the pacifier? This is why you should always have an extra-"

"No it's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"His diaper's full."

"Well change it, dumbfuck!"

Patrick takes a step away from the crib and turns around, "I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?"

"I mean...I don't know how to change a diaper."

Patrick hears Pete smack his forehead, "Are you serious right now?"

"I couldn't be more serious even if I wanted to be. I seriously don't know how to change a diaper. Last time I did, I used a pair of (Y/N)'s leggings and-"

Pete groans, "Oh my god, Patrick. Don't use her leggings. Don't do anything. I'll be over in ten."

*****

"...and then you pull the other tab as tightly as you can, stick it to the diaper, and voila! You've got yourself a happy and clean-bottomed baby." Pete finishes demonstrating, tickling Ethan's stomach and making him laugh. Patrick smiles. "Now it's your turn."

Patrick's grin fades as Pete begins to take the diaper apart. "What? No!" Patrick shouts, trying to stop him.

"Patrick, you need to learn how to do this some day," Pete replies, elbowing him away. "Might as well learn how to now, while (Y/N)'s not here. That way she won't know you're an incompetent father."

The singer scoffs, "I'm not an incompetent father."

"Every real father knows how to change a diaper, Patrick," The bassist hands him a new one, "So prove it. Prove to me you're a real father."

Patrick sighs and snatches the diaper out of Pete's hands, glaring at him.

*****

"I'm home!" You greet as you walk through the front door of your house, seeing Patrick sitting on the living room floor, hands extended outward as Ethan - who's luckily not in another pair of your leggings - staggers towards him, taking his first steps. You break into a smile as Ethan runs into Patrick's arms once he's close enough and Patrick swoops him up, showering him with congratulatory kisses.

"Ethan, I'm so pro-" Patrick begins to say when he notices you, "Oh hey, (Y/N). You just missed it! Ethan's first-"

"I didn't miss a thing," You cut him off, setting your bags down and making your way over, wrapping your arms around both of them.