I Needed Saving

Chapter 6: Hostility

My mom was giving me a silent treatment. She talked to me occasionally to ask if I wanted some more tomato sauce with my spaghetti, but that would practically be it. It made me feel more negative about what was going on, but I felt good that I had something which would help me escape the moment and be away from reality for a while, and start a new one.

Yet, I still hesitated whether I should go with James to get to know my new 'job' or forget about it because it was wrong. But who said it was wrong to help James in this way? He wanted it and I was going to be paid by cigarettes. These cigarettes were the medicine to my misery, the reason why I wouldn't feel upset anymore about Jake's death, the reason why I would look less of a wimp because of Jake's death and the reason why I wouldn't be left out when my friends went smoking, because of Jake's death. Indeed, everything was related to Jake's death but at the same time would pull me away from it. Also, the task wouldn't be considered illegal, since I was going to partner with the consumer, not the dealers. I would simply bring the weed to someone who actually could do it himself, and I would do it for him for my own benefit at the same time: receiving free (and undetected by my parents) cigarettes.

But only a week ago, how would I have known that Jake was about to die? I wouldn't. So how was I to know I would suddenly partially be involved in drug dealing and also start frequently smoking? A debate started in my head switching between referring to myself in first and second person. I eventually came up with a conclusion.

Kevin, why do you even worry about the negative sides to this situation? Does it even matter what you wouldn't have guessed a week ago? No. That was the past you. It's good to change and you're finding comfort in this new you. I can't and I won't fear anything. Make mistakes, don't care what people say and move on. If this is a mistake, get over it yourself, ignore what mom or dad says because you know you won't do it again and move on with life. That's right. Who cares what people say, I am who I am, I make the mistakes and choices that I make. If you have a problem, I won't care till you come at me, because I will smash your head off and I actually still won't care.

With that I got up and got ready for the day.

I didn't know where I would meet James, but I simply kept pedalling towards school, assuming we would meet up where we met yesterday. If I changed my mind on the way, I could take a detour around the road where he might park so that I wouldn't have to face him. But changing my mind meant that I had doubt in the choice I was making. Like I've known many times, I wouldn't ever doubt myself, so I stuck to my conclusion I made before I got up that morning.

The old Mercedes was parked at exactly the same place as the morning before, as if it hadn't moved since. James came out of the car to greet me and we put my bicycle in the trunk, which surprisingly fit. This time, I sat next to him in the passenger seat, rather than behind.

I was excited in a sense. I was glad to do something different than going to school which I had been doing for the past decade. Of course, we had holidays and weekends, but knowing it wasn't either of the two made me feel more confident about the whole situation.

We didn't talk much in the car, but we didn't have to. James was a ridiculous driver, so that got rid of the possible awkwardness as we kept on laughing and howling and what not. We made some drivers pretty pissed but that was simply amusing.

We went down a busy road near the coast. I suddenly recognised where we were. We were where James had picked me up from my night time runaway on Tuesday. I looked for the Jane Addams Park, which I found recognising the big, green trees. We turned left, away from the shore, into a block where we turned an immediate left again onto the property of a small private parking behind a tall modern building. I doubt that the drugs are being handled there, so I assumed it was the smaller, worn out building. I noticed it had some graffiti art sprayed around the emergency exit as we parked in front of the back of the building.