Strings of Fate: The First Loop

CHAPTER 58 - LINE WITHOUT A HOOK

"I can feel all my bones coming back
And I'm craving motion
Mama never really learned how to live by herself
It's a curse
And it's growing
You're a pond and I'm an ocean..."

The mall. God, that day. We tried fishballs from a street vendor and he gagged instantly, dramatic as always. Then ran to the restroom and threw up. I couldn’t stop laughing. I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe, and he grinned at me from the bathroom door like I was the funniest thing in the world. It was ridiculous and loud and utterly unremarkable. And I loved him for it.

"Oh, all my emotions
Feel like explosions when you are around
And I've found a way to kill the sounds, oh..."

That beach night. When we almost kissed beneath the stars, our feet tangled in wet sand, hearts beating too fast. But a tanod flashed his flashlight and we jumped apart, breathless and giggling like kids caught stealing time. It was electric and innocent and fragile.

"Oh, baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you
I need you here to stay
I broke all my bones that day I found you
Crying at the lake
Was it something I said to make you feel like you're a burden?
Oh, and if I could take it all back
I swear that I would pull you from the tide..."

The theme park.

He tried to win me a stuffed bear and failed at every single booth. Tim won Inez a huge teddy. Corey got a goldfish from Drake. James just looked frustrated. But I didn’t care. The fireworks went off while we sat on the Ferris wheel. His fingers brushed mine. I leaned into him. Magic doesn’t always need grand gestures. Sometimes it’s in the silence between two heartbeats.

"I said no, I said no
Listen close, it's a no
The wind is a-pounding on my back
And I found hope in a heart attack
Oh, at last, it is past
Now I've got it, and you can't have it..."

That night under the streetlight.
The one playing Sparks Fly through the speaker of a neighbor’s house.
His lips found mine, tentative, warm, trembling. He tasted like salt and apology.
He wiped my tears with the sleeve of his hoodie. I let myself believe it could last.

"Oh, baby, I am a wreck when I'm without you..."

The school turned on him after that party. Rumors, assumptions, judgment. He stopped showing up. Retreated into himself like a turtle into its shell.
No one knew.
But I did.
And I cried the night he sang during Halloween, turning every head in the auditorium.
That night, I kissed him again.

"Darling, when I'm fast asleep
I've seen this person watching me
Saying, 'Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Tell me, is it worth it?'"

Then... Olive.

Her hands on his skin.
Their bodies tangled.
My world fell apart like a house made of origami and matchsticks.

I ran. I ran like the ground behind me was crumbling. And when I slipped off that cliff, it wasn’t just my body that broke, it was something deeper. James pulled me up. But the pain was already screaming in my blood. That night, I hated the world.

And I hated myself for still loving him.

Tears blurred my vision, hot and stinging like acid, sliding down my cheeks in angry streams.

"She's a, she's a lady, and I am just a boy..."

The cafeteria.
He begged. Publicly.
I smashed his guitar.
He didn’t flinch.
Just stared at me like he deserved it.

"And if I could take it all back
I swear that I would pull you from the tide..."

The fairy lights.
Our last slow dance.
An empty classroom.
Tears in his eyes.
Not asking me to forgive.
Just wanting me to know he meant it.

My mom once told me, “Always see the light in people.”

Claire added, “But don’t forget to see the light within yourself, too.”

And my dad, wiping his hands on a dish towel, had said, “The heart is a small organ, anak. It’s tragic to let it be filled with nothing but anger. There’s barely room for love as it is.”

And somehow, even after all of it, even the broken parts, James still lived in the corners of my mind where joy lingered.
Not because I couldn’t move on.
But because healing isn’t always clean.
Sometimes, the memories are part of the stitching.

Maybe that’s what love is. Not the falling, that’s easy. That’s gravity. It’s the choosing that matters. Choosing to stay when everything is cracked. Choosing to hold the broken pieces together, not because they’re perfect, but because you want to. Because you saw something worth keeping. Even now, as James sang the last line, voice raw and splintered, the music falling into silence...

"I swear that I would pull you from the tide..."

I felt it. The knot.

Fate, pain, forgiveness, joy... all tying a thread between us. And even if it never quite untangles... maybe that’s the point.

Some people aren’t meant to be forgotten. Some people are meant to be remembered exactly as they were:
Beautiful. Flawed.
And loved...
Despite everything.