I'm talking about stealing, fighting every day, smoking, drinking all that. But at a point you got to realize that life aint a life. It's sad honestly I had to get my shit together fast.
After my mommy died that's when I finally sat down and realized, I know she ain't want me to be like that. So Lay ended up dragging me to church one day and whew I ain't never cried so hard in my life I really needed that.
But yeah it took awhile for me to be who I am now, I went to therapy, started going to church every day, got baptized, started to build up my clothing brand by slaving away with two jobs, and finally accomplished my dream.
You just got to be patient everything is for a reason, you have to wait your time will come and you will shown like a bright star in the sky.
She came with my food and I thanked her. as I was about to eat my avocado toast the door opened and I was shocked by the person.
My ex oh no baby. I stared at him for a while before going back to eating. We didn't end off the greatest but he was good it was me.
It was when i was freshly twenty and he was twenty two. I ended up pregnant and got hella depressed cause I didn't know what to do I mean my life was shitty I recently lost my mom I just wasn't ready.
He tried to convince me that we could keep the baby but I went behind his back and got a abortion, we just wasnt ready well I wasnt buy I tried to tell myself that.
He ended up getting mad as hell I ain't tell him I got rid of his child and we broke it off. I regret that shit everyday, he was gon support me either way if I kept it or not but I still did him dirty as shit.
He was by himself I kept on taking glances and our eyes finally caught each other. Oh no please Jesus take the wheel. I immediately turnt away acting like I wasn't just staring at him.
I heard footsteps coming closer to me and I heard the chair in front of me squeak. I didn't look up I never thought I would see him again after all it was four years ago.
"Hi Malai" I finally looked up and he was already staring at me I grew nervous. "Hi Harlem" I said quietly dreading this whole interview conversation. It went quiet not awkward I don't know nostalgic almost.
"You look like you doing better" I nodded "yeah I got some help. You look nice too." He hummed his focus never leaving me.
"How you been" I asked him as I played with my nails. "Good I'm working on a big ass project with producing." "Oh wow that's amazing I'm so happy for you I pray it all goes well you deserve all of it." I can't help but be excited at people accomplishments I can't help it.
He chuckled at my excitement.
I knew he wanted to start producing music but I didn't know he still had that dream. "What bout you I heard you got a clothing brand." "Yeah I do it's going great so far." "I'm glad it's good to see you doing all right Malai."
"Thank you" I said genuinely smiling. "Oh are y'all together here's your food sir" "oh no but thank you here" he handed her a one hundred dollar bill like I did.
"It was nice seeing you Malai" "you too Harlem" he walked out and I slumped over. I was terrified the whole time.
I was back at the house and I didn't even take pictures in my outfit I took some pictures in my mirror posting them on Instagram. I seen u Jas a new follower and it was Harlem.
He followed only 5o people. He was verified to dang I'm glad he made it in life he really deserves it.
Lay called me and I damn near forgot about her cheesecake and mine, luckily I put them in the fridge. "Open the door Lai" she said.
"What happened to your key I gave you Lay?" "I dropped it in the sink this morning." I shook my head and hung up on her, she so clumsy man.
We were sitting on my king size bed I don't know it's so big I should have got a queen. "Lay tell me why I saw Harlem today" I said as I paused princess and the frog.
"I know you fucking lying!" She said almost dropping her cheesecake on the floor.
"Tell me everything." I shook my head she so messy it's sad. "Ok so I'm at my lunch spot and he walked in boo. He looked so fine Lay like I don't know he got finer or sum." I told her as I twirled my hair.
"Girl how he get finer but what happened after that?" "Ok so then I take a glance at him and he already staring at me! Girl I wanted to scream. So he sit down across from me and he asked how I was doing and that I look better and stuff."
She nodded all up in the tea as she munched on her cheesecake. "Ok so then he start talking about he producing music now and you know how excited I get about people accomplishments, so I start telling him how proud I am of him and stuff. Then he hears I had a clothing brand and said he was happy for me, and then yeah."
"That's all?" "Yes girl what did you expect?" I looked at her confused cause what else? "Man I don't know he ain't ask for your number? Like he didn't ask for a Instagram?" "No but he followed me on instagram. And I don't think he would ever like me again Lay."
"You still beat yourself up about that?" I nodded "I just feel so sad for doing that Lay like I just wasn't ready yet tho I know I'm messed up for that because he would have supported me either way."
"Malai you can't keep on thinking about the past. That was past you, I'm not gon lie and say you weren't wrong but I will always support you. Ok you weren't ready you're a better person now you can't keep on beating yourself up about that everybody makes mistakes you grew from yours."
I started to cry "I know but I killed my baby Lay, like I know mommy disappointed in me." "Malai she not disappointed in you gurl come here." She hugged me as I cried more.
Man I be up all night some times thinking about how I could have been a mom. That shit really is my biggest regret, I really do hate myself for that.
I wiped my tears away still sniffling. "Ok ima go take a shower can you spend the night?" "Mhm of course" I really don't know what I would do without Laylin u would be in jail by now serving life.
I grabbed a big hoodie and some panties that look like boxers deciding not to wear a bra. I took a quick lil shower doing my night routine before laying down beside lay.
"Can you turn on Alexa and Katie please." I asked her she nodded as she rubbed my back. Laylin was 2 years older than me but people say we look like twins, I don't see it.
I fell asleep fast due to all that crying.
First chapter how we feeling?
How we feeling?
