Strings of Fate: The First Loop

CHAPTER 53 - SILENCE IS THE LOUDEST NOISE

I looked at her, really looked at her. She was still here. Still sitting beside me, even when she didn’t understand. “Maybe,” I said.

She stepped in front of me and gently tugged on my sleeve, revealing the sharp ink lines of a drawing I’d scribbled on my wrist last night. I had tried to distract myself with art, but it came out too dark.

“You don’t have to be okay right now,” she said. “But don’t forget... you are allowed to heal without losing yourself.”

“I don’t even know who I am anymore,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper.

Inez didn’t flinch. “Then we figure it out together. You don’t scare me, Betty. Even when you’re scary.”

I snorted. “You’re such a dork.”

She grinned. “Takes one to know one.”

The bell rang in the distance. I looked back toward the school. Then at Inez. And for the first time that morning, I didn’t feel like I was breaking alone.

Lunch time...

I found him by the vending machines. His usual spot. It used to be comforting, seeing him there like a permanent fixture in the chaos. Today, it just felt quiet. Too quiet. He didn’t notice me at first. Or maybe he did and just didn’t know what to say.

“Hey,” I said.

He turned, eyes soft like they always were. “Hey.”

There was a beat of silence. Then another. I hated how we became polite strangers.

“You look different,” he said, like it was the safest thing to comment on.

I shrugged. “You don’t. Still perfect posture. Shirt ironed. Hair neat. Everything intact.”

He gave me a small smile. “Feels like the only thing I can control these days.”

I looked at the ground. “Matt…”

“You don’t have to say anything,” he said quickly, like he was trying to spare me the guilt. “Really.”

“No,” I said. “I do.”

I met his eyes. There was no anger in them. Just something tired. Something kind.

“I know you had feelings for me,” I said. “And I know I didn’t… return them. Not like that. And maybe it felt unfair.”

He shook his head before I could finish. “I never expected you to. I loved you quietly, B. I still do, in a way. But not the kind that wants anything.”

That undid something in me.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to be quiet,” I whispered. “You were always there. Always steady. And I think I used that. Took it for granted.”

Matt’s voice was low, almost ashamed. “I’m the one who’s sorry. For not stepping in when I should have. For watching you break and thinking that standing beside you in silence counted as love. I thought quiet meant strong. But maybe… maybe I was just afraid to face the truth that my silence is just cowardice in disguise.”

I blinked, caught off guard by his honesty.

“You were never a coward,” I said.

He looked away. “I didn’t protect you, B. Not from James or from Olive, or from me. Not from what came after.  I just watched everything happen even if I repeatedly told myself that I need to protect you. I thought if I just waited long enough, you’d realize I was the better choice.”

“But that’s not what love is,” I finished.

He nodded. A pause.

“We’re friends,” I said. “Right? Like… real friends. Not the kind waiting for the other shoe to drop.”