The Grudge •||• PA17

•||•

18 April 2025

There was a rhythm to regret.

It crept in quietly. Never loud, never announced. Just subtle moments. A glance too long, a silence too heavy, a memory too sharp.

Paul had left a rhythm behind. One I'd spent years trying to forget, only for it to echo louder the more I saw him again.

And now?

Now he was everywhere.

In the paddock halls. In the mirror of the sim room when I arrived. Even in my team's hospitality unit, casually sipping from a water bottle like he hadn't ghosted my entire existence after Spa.

What made it worse was that I'd let him sit next to me yesterday. I let him talk. I let him say he missed me.

And I didn't tell him to go to hell.

That part haunted me more than it should have.

I arrived to the hospitality with Kimi, when I saw Thea sitting there with her coffee. I was walking behind Kimi when Kimi started talking with Thea. I started smiling slightly. I loved their dynamic.

While she watched him walk away, I sat next to her. When she saw me, she jumped in her place. "Jesus, Vivi!" I laughed so loud even Kimi turned around to look what was going on.

Thea hit me in the arm. "What the hell, Vivi?!" finally I stopped laughing. "You were too into watching him, so I didn't wanted to bother." she rolled her eyes. "Shut up, I wasn't watching him."

"Yeah, sure you weren't, love." I winked and blew a kiss, making her roll her eyes once again.

After a couple of minutes later Thea's voice cut into my spiral as we sat in the team lounge. "Vivi? You're doing that stare-into-the-void thing again. Need a snack? Or a small emotional exorcism?"

I blinked. "Neither."

"Liar," she said, shoving a protein bar into my hand. "Is this about Paul?"

I didn't answer. Which, in Thea-speak, meant yes.

She sighed, kicking her feet up on the table. "You don't have to talk about it. But if he makes that sad puppy face again, I'm going to trip him with a tire gun."

I let out a laugh, a real one, and leaned back in my chair. "I don't get it," I admitted. "Why now? Why show up again after all this time?"

Thea shrugged. "Maybe he realized what he lost."

"He didn't lose me," I muttered. "He threw me away."

"Then maybe he finally grew up and started feeling things."

I hated how part of me wanted that to be true.

...

Later that day, I found myself in the sim room again supposedly to run laps, but mostly to distract myself from the pressure building behind my ribcage.

Paul showed up ten minutes in.

He didn't say anything at first. Just leaned against the wall, arms crossed like some annoyingly tall metaphor for unfinished business.

"Watching me drive now?" I asked, not looking away from the screen.

He smirked. "Making sure you don't crash."

I whipped the headset off and glared at him. "Too soon."

His smile faltered. "Right. Sorry."

"Are you?"