The Divine Tragedy

Anguish

"Cas wait!" I said to him, begging for him to at least turn around, "I-... I can't lose you... not again! Never again..." I pleaded.
Yet I didn't get a response, just silence.
"Goodbye Dean." I heard him say.
He was so calm, as if none of my words affected him, as if they didn't hurt him. But I did hurt him... I don't love him the way he loves me.
But then why did I beg for him to stay with me? I grabbed him by the hand, "Cas please!!" I pleaded through my tears, "Don't do this!" I demanded through my tears.
He then vanished.
"FRIGGIN' ANGELS!!!" I screamed, kicking the chair in front of me.
I then collapsed to my knees, I felt so weak, unsure what to do with myself. So, I sat there on the floor, in our motel room... crying.
Is this what heartbreak was? Is this what it feels like to lose someone so important? Is this what it's like to have a friendship torn apart? I had so many questions and feelings I didn't know what to do with.
For once I didn't know what to do.
I didn't have someone who I could depend on, someone I needed, but I still had Sammy.
But Sam could never fill the empty void I had for Castiel. It could never be filled by anyone else, no one but Cas could and would fill that void unlike him.
I then looked up at the door creaking open, it was Sam.
"Hey, I'm-" He said before he looked down at me.
"What happened?! Wh-... Where's Cas?" He asked me.
All I could do was cry with agony.
"He's gone!!" I yelled through my tears, "Cas is gone, and it's all my fault Sam." I told him, trying to cease my sobbing and wiped my tears.
"What do you mean he's gone?!" Sam asked in a scared and frustrated expression.
"I mean, he's gone, Sam. Like, I don't think I'll ever see him again!!" I repeated to him, much more annoyed this time.
"Why?! What happened?!" He asked in a panic.
"It's too much to explain... all I can explain right now is that we fought, and I upset him, and now he's gone." I said giving him something that felt like an answer.
"Alright..." Sam replied.
"Did you find us a job yet?" I asked him.
"Yeah, A wendigo case out in Estes Park." He said.
"Not far from here." I shrugged.
"Exactly why I chose it." He said. "Are you still hungry?" He asked.
"Yeah, I could eat."
I was surprised I still had an appetite after everything that happened between Cas and I.
I felt so guilty about what I said to him, I shouldn't have been so harsh... he told me he loved me ever since he got me up and out of Hell, and all I had to say was: "I don't feel the same way, and even if I did, all you would do is cling to me and I don't want that!"
How could I say something like that?! Why did I?! I shouldn't have been so angry with him!
Nothing was able to mask the pain I felt, not the bites of the burger I was gorging on, nor did the presence of my brother. There had to be some way to get him back. I need him to be here. I need him to forgive me. Hell, he should have sucker punched me in the face for all the things I said. No one deserves to hear the awful words that came out of my mouth...
"Thinking about Cas?" Sam asked, interrupting my thoughts at the perfect time.
"Yeah." I sighed.
"I won't ask what happened... but I want you to know I'll be here if you need me.
"Thanks, Sammy. But I think I'll be just fine." I said, faking a smile.
I didn't feel fine, I felt like I was drowning and I was so helpless. Castiel was everything to me, but now I've pushed him further away... not even in reach anymore, rather it feels like I pushed him off a cliff, and now he'll never come back to me. That's how it feels.
After I had eaten I had gone to the bathroom to change into a pair of sweatpants.
After putting them on I then went to brush my teeth, I jolted back at seeing my face in the mirror, it was me, but I was wearing a scarlet cloak and I had a laurel crown adorning my head; and I was also bleeding from the mouth and everything else around me was on fire.
It was all gone when Sam knocked on the door.
"Hey, are you done there?" He asked.
I then spat out the toothpaste. "Yeah..." I said, trying to make sense of what I just saw.
I then went to open the door and headed out of the bathroom and sank into the bed.
What was that? Was that me?- I mean of course it was... but what was I wearing? And... Why was everything on fire? I didn't know what to make of it. I had visions of Hell but not like this. Unless... this was something different... something I didn't understand. Was it Hell calling me up again? Probably, but Dean couldn't come to the phone right now, he had work tomorrow.
So, I laid in bed, eventually drifting off to sleep.
Suddenly I found myself falling down into a fiery pit.
Then, THUD!! I had fallen on a hard surface, probably rocks. But I couldn't even get up, as I was picked up by an icy breeze of wind, I then heard people calling out to me.
"You belong here Dean!!" A woman screamed, "You'll rot here Dean!!" another said.
But before I knew it. I woke up. I awoke in a cold sweat, panting heavily.
I then glanced at the clock: 5:58 a.m. I already heard Sam getting ready to leave.
"Oh, good. You're up!" He said with a smile.
"Did you sleep ok?" He asked, "I heard you tossing and turning all night." Sam told me.
"Yeah, sorry... bad dream." I replied.
"Well time to get going." Sam said.
"Yeah..." I sighed, as my mind was going in circles about Cas again. It was only 24 hours later, and I already missed him.
But I couldn't worry about that cute little angel anymore... he didn't want to see me again.
And I deserved it. But there were people to save, I can't let my feelings get in the way. Cas didn't matter. But I still wondered if he thought about me.
Once we got on the road I thought about telling Sam what had happened with the angel, but I didn't want to burden him with my problems.
But then, as we passed under a build board I suddenly was faced with a giant red archway with the words:
"Abandon All Hope Dean Winchester" .
Once it was gone, I immediately looked at Sam who was in the passenger seat.
"Dude, are you ok?! Do you need me to drive?!" He asked in frustration but also concern.
"I need to tell you everything that happened with Cas and I!" I told him.
"Ok..." He said with a worried tone.