Magic of Fear (english version)

Prologue & Triggerwarning

I wrote this book because otherwise I might never have said out loud what was happening inside me.

Because a lot of things inside me didn't have a name - just body, confinement, thoughts of escape and the feeling of somehow being wrong.

I believed for a long time that I had to manage this on my own.

Be strong, be quiet, persevere.

But at some point that was no longer possible.

What you read in this book is my story - not one-to-one, but close enough.

It is an attempt to give a voice to the invisible.

A path through fear, dissociation, excessive demands. And through the miracle that arises when people meet you with honest warmth.

I don't tell my story to be pitied.

I tell stories because I believe that we find ourselves in stories - especially in those that are not perfect.

This book is my "I was there. And I'm still alive."

For you

For those who stayed, even when I could barely speak.

For those who didn't push me, but were there.

For those with whom I could laugh, even though everything was shaking inside.

For those who didn't want to save me - but simply stood beside me.

And For those who feel comfort throuh what I wrote down.

Without you, this story wouldn't exist.

You held something inside me that I almost lost.

Thank you.

Nalia Ounira, 22 years old, is starting her training as a nurse in a rehabilitation centre for paraplegics - but behind her calm facade, a storm is brewing. Since childhood, she has suffered from an anxiety disorder that has kept her in seemingly hopeless situations.

Content note / Trigger warning:This book deals with psychological distress, including anxiety disorders, depressive episodes, dissociation, death and loss.Please keep this in mind if you are struggling with sensitive content.

Your Mental Health is Important!