Not a Promise, Not a Lie

I Knew What I Was Doing

HIM

Yes—

you cried.

And I stared.

Not because I didn't care,

but because I did.

In the twisted, selfish way

that people like me do.

I watched your face break open

and I let it happen.

Because love,

real love—

requires softness I never had.

I pushed you away

because it was easier

than holding something fragile.

Easier than watching myself

ruin you slowly

with the kind of damage

you wouldn't notice until it was too late.

I didn't hate your tears.

I envied them.

You felt things

with a depth I couldn't reach,

and it made me cruel.

Because I couldn't stand

that your heart was honest

when mine had rotted quiet.

So yes,

I lied.

I crafted the version of me

that everyone could love,

while erasing the version of you

that saw me clearly.

And I'd do it again.

Because power tastes better

when no one sees the blade.

Because being adored

is easier than being good.

You think I forgot you?

Darling,

I remember everything.

Your trust.

Your softness.

Your ruin.

If the world were fair,

you never would've met me.

But it wasn't.

And now you'll carry

what I chose

and what you didn't deserve.