Strings of Fate: The First Loop

CHAPTER 19

I didn’t want him to leave. But I also knew he couldn’t fix this.
No one could.

I was in pain.
Everywhere.
My ribs throbbed, my head ached, and something deep inside me had cracked in ways that felt irreversible.

James sat in silence. His hand still on my back, gentle.
His presence didn’t erase the emptiness in my chest.
It just made me more aware that no one—not even him—could fill it.

And I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep pretending I was whole.

The drive home was quiet.

Too quiet. Like the world had gone mute after screaming too long.

I sat curled beneath a blanket in the passenger seat, not for warmth but for the illusion of it—like maybe if I tucked myself in tight enough, I could hide from everything I couldn’t outrun. My clothes were dry now, my hair too. But the ocean was still inside me, heavy and bitter and cold.

James kept both hands on the wheel. His knuckles were pale, but his eyes… they kept flicking toward me. Like I might dissolve if he stopped checking. I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t. If I did, I’d see the fear in his face. And I’d remember what it felt like to stop fighting.

Behind us, Matt was asleep. Inez and Tim were holding hands. Funny how quiet they were now—like the silence was contagious. Even Inez, who never shut up, didn’t make a sound. She just leaned her head on Tim’s shoulder, like resting was enough to make everything okay again.

It wasn’t.

Corey and Drake said nothing. No jokes. No music. No laughter. Just the hush of the highway and the occasional cough of the wind.

Outside the window, the world blurred—trees melting into fences, headlights stretching like ghosts. It all looked like a dream I hadn’t woken up from. Or maybe I had, and this was the part after. The emptiness.

James reached out and took my hand.

His fingers were warm. Firm. Real.

I didn’t hold him back.

I let him. Because it was easier than pulling away.

He didn’t say a word. He didn’t need to. I knew he was trying to remind me he was here. That I was here.

But I wasn’t sure I was.

I just kept staring out the window, watching the world streak by in smudged colors—white, green, red, black. Like someone had dragged a wet brush through all my memories.

I thought of the ocean again. The way it swallowed me. The way it didn’t care.

And somewhere deep inside me, a question echoed so quietly I almost missed it:
Why did I come back?

The van pulled to a stop in front of my house. The engine went quiet, and for a moment, no one moved. No words, no laughter, not even a lazy joke to break the tension.

One by one, they climbed out. I followed, slow, like my body wasn’t mine anymore. Like I was still floating, somewhere between ocean and sky.

Inez gave me a long look. She opened her mouth—maybe to say something—but thought better of it. Just nodded, and turned away.

Drake and Corey gave small waves. Matt simply stood there, his hands in his pockets, eyes unreadable. I didn’t have it in me to read them anyway.

Then James stepped closer.

He didn’t try to touch me. Didn’t reach for my hand like he did in the car. He just looked at me—his brows drawn together, eyes warm, searching. His voice was soft, like it belonged to a different version of us.