Read me when...

When you want to learn about the things that remind me of you

hi, loveeee

you’re probably sitting somewhere right now, wondering—maybe with a smile, maybe a little curious—what sorts of things in this world make me think of you. and baby, i don’t even know where to begin. because honestly? it feels like everything reminds me of you in one way or another. and i don't think i'll ever run out of reminders of you, babe.

some things are obvious, like the color blue. i know it’s cliché to say colors remind me of someone, but blue reminds me of you in such a quiet way.  so whenever i see that color, even if it’s just a pen cap or a blanket in a store window, i smile. because, baby, you’re my kind of blue.

then there’s the sound of laughter. not just any laughter—yours. it’s weird how sometimes i’ll be walking past people or watching a video, and someone laughs a certain way and for a split second, it’s you. and my heart jumps. because your laugh is one of my favorite things in this life. when i think of you laughing, i remember the way your eyes crinkle, the way your nose scrunches just a bit, and the way you tilt your head back like you’re letting the universe in. god, babe, your laugh is a song i never want to forget.

i think about you when i see dogs, too. especially the tiny, overly excited ones. they remind me of the way you light up when you're happy. it’s adorable. contagious, even. sometimes, i catch myself chuckling when a dog wiggles around in pure joy because it makes me think, “that’s her. that’s my baby.” and i wish you were there so i could poke your cheek and tell you how much you make my heart do little somersaults like that.

when i hear certain songs, especially the cheesy, romantic ones people often roll their eyes at—that’s you. the lyrics start sounding like letters i never got to write you. like things i would’ve whispered to you if the moment had been right.  i’ll be in the middle of a commute or walking in the grocery aisle and suddenly my eyes will sting because the melody feels like you. like us. and in that moment, i miss you even when you’re near.

sometimes i’m reminded of you when i see people taking care of each other. like when someone carries a heavy bag for their partner or tucks a loose strand of hair behind someone’s ear. it’s those gestures—the simple, everyday acts of care—that remind me of the way you love. the way you remember small things i say in passing. the way you check in on me when my silence gets too long. the way you make space for me, without asking for anything in return. that’s one of my favorite things about you, qb. you love softly, but so completely. and i never want to take that for granted.

you know what else reminds me of you? food. yeah, babe, i know it’s silly, but i swear every time i eat chicken or something i know you’d like, you pop into my head. sometimes i’ll even pause and think, “she’d love this.” and i’ll wish i could hand it to you, right then and there. food is comfort. food is care. food is sharing. and you, baby—you’re all those things to me. you're comfort, care, and someone i always want to share my favorite things with.

oh, and the moon. God, the moon. especially when it’s full and quiet and just... there, glowing. that’s you too. you don’t try to be radiant—you just are. and sometimes, i look at the moon and wonder if you’re looking at it too. it’s cheesy, i know, but it makes me feel close to you somehow. like we’re both under the same sky, no matter where we are or how our days went. the moon makes me ache for you in a beautiful way. and in that ache, there’s love.

baby, you’re the memory that sneaks up on me when i least expect it. you're the name in my head when i see something beautiful, something funny, something worth sharing. and it’s never just the big things. it's in the tiniest, quietest corners of life. like the smell of someone’s shampoo that smells almost like yours. or when i see a couple holding hands while crossing the street. or when a song lyric says something like, “i’d choose you in a hundred lifetimes,” and i just smile to myself and think, yeah. same.

it’s hard to list them all. there are so many things that remind me of you. but the biggest one? the feeling of home. you feel like home, love. when i’m with you, even the loudest days quiet down. even the heaviest parts of me feel a little lighter. you’ve become this anchor in my life, and i don't even think you realize it. and when i feel lost or unsure or tired, you’re the face my heart turns toward. you’re the place my soul wants to rest.

so if you’re ever wondering what you mean to me—if you’re ever feeling doubtful or far or just curious—remember this: you are in everything. in love.

i love you, baby. i love you in ways i’m still learning how to say.

forever yours,
lian ♡