Chaos but not Chaos

Intro

Hi.
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A PNG of a Cadian Guardsman snapped into existence on screen just a PNG. No animation. No flair. Just him.

"Hi there! Welcome to the Grim Darkness of the 41st Millennium, where there is only war and, well, something very weird just happened."

He jittered in place, jankily and wobbly bobbing like someone shaking a cardboard cutout.

"So, while me and the boys aka the Ignis Corp, were having a jolly ol’ time roleplaying in Arma, we got teleported straight into the 41st Millennium by… unknown forces.

...Probably by Tzeentch. Definitely sounds like his kind of Tuesday....do Tuesdays exist in the Warp?"

The PNG spasmed erratically as it "talked". Side to side, up and down.

"Thankfully, said unknown forces dropped us some intel on where we are and what's going on. So... yeah, have a look."

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Planet: Virexus IV
Sector: Garon Sub-Sector, Segmentum Ultima
Classification: Imperial Frontier World.
Climate: Forests with scorching-sand deserts in the west, bio-scrub forests to the south, and irradiated mountain ranges nearly everywhere.
Population: Approx. 600 million (primarily hive and agri settlements)
Primary Exports: Plasteel ore, medicinal xeno-flora, low-grade promethium.
Military Presence: PDF with limited Astra Militarum support (primarily local levies and outdated armor)
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The PNG phased back in.

"According to the Mission Info and Debrief..Turns out, we’ve been ‘volunteered’ to assist the local Imperium forces against this planet’s main issue: a bunch of smug blue xenos called the Tau who decided this dustball was primo real estate.
during the.....

.....During the...hang on-"

Shuffling papers noises

"..Damocles Crusade!"

Then we are shown a hilariously crude "Battleplans" image showing Imperial and Tau lines in visual chaos.

It's a mess.

"Yeah... as you can see, it’s a bloody mess. Turns out a Warp storm displaced everyone like tossed salad. Command structure? Gone. Tactical cohesion? Dream on. And that’s where we come in, We Thrive on Chaos! No not that Chaos- the regular Chaos, not the Heretical one-"

Another line appears on the map: Ignis Corp, jammed in on the western flank. A giant, literal cartoonish finger hovers above and points dramatically at the Tau lines.

"Our mission? Wreak havoc on Tau supply routes, mess up their logistics, maybe take some, TO SEIZE THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION, and rack up some kills while we're at it. After that, we fan out and hunt down what’s left of their scattered forces. Because they are scattered and can't do much without their regular cohesion"

The finger splits into three arrows that pierce the Tau lines. Tau supply depots go up in flames.  With 'Tau Supply Lines destroyed' markers appearing.

Then the arrows veer toward isolated pockets of resistance, each marked with a Tau emblem.

As a giant 'VICTORY!' graphic slams across the map like it owes the map money. Which a quick 'Hey!' and a giggle from someone.

The Cadian PNG reappears, now with his helmet on fire and a Long-Las.

"This was not easy and a very arduous task to do. The Tau are very good at long-range warfare. We are...sadly not. Fortunately, we managed to convince the local PDF that we were technically Guardsmen-don’t ask-and joined their assault."