Breaking Louis Tomlinson {Larry Stylinson AU}

Chapter Two

Besides, this was Louis’s battle. He was fighting with his will to live, and he knew that only he would be able to resolve this conflict.

Louis’s noodles began to boil over, so Louis quickly turned off the heat and added the seasoning. The soup was dumped into a chipped bowl, still steaming. Louis put his hands around the hot base, thankful for the heat it provided because his hands were numb with cold.

Louis sat criss-cross on the sofa with only the lights from outside to fend off the darkness. It was quite eerie, then, how the shadows bended and danced in the corners of his room. He felt like he was the only one awake at in Doncaster; the feeling was rather empowering, yet rather desolate at the same time. Louis was again reminded that common theme in his life: loneliness.

Though once-upon-a-time, Louis had been happy. His childhood, like any other, was filled with loads of cherished memories and good times. His mum made sure he was healthy, and well-cared for. She spoiled him a lot too, being the oldest and only boy. She coddled him like any other mum would, and Louis, for a long time, was happy.

Louis was close to his mother, yes, but he had a special bond with his dad. They could talk about anything, from football to puberty, and Louis felt completely comfortable around him. Whenever Louis had an issue, he always went to his father first, which his mother understood and accepted. After all, Louis’s four sisters were much more attached to her than their father. It was natural.

 So you can imagine how devastated Louis was when his parents split.

The divorce was particularly tough for Louis. Without a male figure to confide in, Louis chose to keep certain things private because he didn’t really feel comfortable telling his mum. Sure, they were pretty close, but Louis just couldn’t talk to her like he could his dad.

And so, the secrets began.

Louis’s very first secret was perhaps his most shameful one. He often found himself thinking—if he had been straight, would his life be different? He probably wouldn’t be depressed, maybe he’d still be close with his family. Maybe he’d be happy. Would he have a girlfriend? Perhaps he’d be engaged by this point, planning out his future with his wife-to-be, excited for what time would bring him.

But his life didn’t play out like that.

Louis was about fourteen when he began to realise just how different he was from the other boys. Especially the boys on his football squad, who has always considered Louis a friend. They joked around with him in the locker rooms, asking if he’d shagged a girl, and if so, who? He always made up lies just to satisfy them so they didn’t suspect him. And for a while, it worked.

But Louis found it so hard to keep his eyes off his teammates when they walked around shirtless in the locker rooms, showing off their bare chests. He would often find himself staring at their toned backs, admiring the way their chiseled muscles caught the light. Louis would watch from afar, silently disgusted at himself for liking it so much, because it wasn’t normal. The other boys didn’t do this, so why would he?

Of course, his teammates quickly caught on to Louis’s little game. They knew how he watched them, and immediately, he lost all his friends on the team. They called him a prick, a fag, a queer. No longer did they pass him the ball during matches, and they ignored everything he said on the pitch, despite his starting position. Some of them even refused to call Louis a part of the team.

It was the first crack in Louis’s foundation.

It all bubbled over after a training session in early May. Louis was packing his stuff, getting ready for his mum to pick him up when a few of the older boys ganged up on him. They locked the door to the changing rooms and beat Louis mercilessly, despite his whimpers for help. Nothing was spared; his face, his arms, his torso, it was all bruised and bloodied. Louis honestly feared his life that night; they were so intent on hurting him, all because he couldn’t keep his wandering eyes away.