The blue-eyed raven (Rivamika fanfiction)

CHAPTER 26

''Eat up, you look exhausted – so you're more likely a bigger shitty face than us.'' With that, he again turned his back to me and continued cooking for others. But, he was right – I knew my hair was probably tangled and my skin got usually pale, needless to say, I had to have extremely noticing bags under my eyes.

Looking out of the window, I saw bright snow sparkling under the morning sky, as no one was up and already on the streets. The town looked like a wasteland, only cold wind and grey sky keeping it company.

But, then again, it was an early hour and 1st of January. What would people expect?

I've noticed Armin disappearing down the hallway, but he came back shortly after with all of our friends. Well, not all of them. Balancing my head in my hand, I started rubbing my head, trying to remember everything from last night.

Gush, I love you - first sentence, which appeared in my mind and Levi saying it in the middle of the living room, hugging me. My head automatically moved and eyed the couch not far from me, the same couch I lay on last night, where we talked, shared a kiss, but everything disappeared with Jean.

I thought you were better than this. His words stung all the same, as if I were reliving that moment. I knew, with that, he meant Levi and even my raven wasn't stupid. But it caught us both off guard and it hurt like hell, hearing him say that and seeing him hurt like that.

Not even knowing why, I looked back and saw my friends yawing and hardly eating anything, except Connie and Sasha. And with this weird wish to know, I turned to face Marco yet again, because I knew, he was the only one with a good and proper answer.

''Where is Jean?'' and right after words left my mouth, I wanted to hit myself. But Marco only frowned in a strange way, like he was thinking something.

''Well, as far as I know, he said he needed to go somewhere early in the morning, so he left an hour ago.''

Luckily, Marco just smiled at that and kept eating, not even bothered to ask me why I need to know. I was happy, he wasn't pushy, but yet again, this is Marco we're talking about – he's always there for anyone with his optimistic view on everything.

I need some time. The thought of these words made me stop eating and I just blankly looked at my plate, which was half empty. It was like everything around me disappeared; the kitchen, friends, morning light and I was back again at the party, right at the moment where everyone counted. Levi was there in front of me, leaning for the kiss and how his voice echoed in my ears.

I need some time.

That was all he said before disappearing and left me crying for him to not leave me. But he didn't show up again, he was a shadow among us and even though, we partied all night long after that, a part of my heart hoped, he would come back. But he didn't.

Honestly, I really don't know, what his words meant, but I feel like the answer will just hurt even more. Besides, he wouldn't tell me about his pain and these two things were probably connected.

If I just could –

''Hey Mikasa!'' someone snapped his fingers in front of me and I jumped, looking up at the frowned Eren. He had his arms folded across his chest, eyes slowly drifting across everyone in the room. ''Are you even paying attention?'' he questioned my tired look.

''Sorry,'' that was all I could choke out in this situation, and Eren knew that I was lost in someplace else. He wasn't really mad at me, so he just stretched his hands and balanced his body onto the counter, looking directly at me.

''I'll repeat it for you; dad called not long ago and said they are stuck with their friends for a while, which means, they won't be back till the 4th. And as glad as I am to have this place to ourselves and we could party wildly, if we wanted to, but the fact that school is tomorrow just ruins everything. So, without hearing any complaints, we will clean the basement.''