On my way to my first day of college, the first day I was moving in, I cried for five minutes in the car. My dad was driving and my mom was quietly trying to maintain her nervousness. My brother wanted to go home and eat food. Everything was the way it always was, and then I broke down.
"I'm...so...sorry..." I sobbed. "I'm just scared."
No one said a word. My dad looked like he was going to melt. My mom gazed at me sadly, but there was nothing we could do. I was growing up, I was moving on campus, and I could not stop this. It was the way life worked.
When my dad parked the car and I stepped out to retrieve my ID, confidence coursed through me. This habit of giving off a confident air comes from my involvement in speech and debate club. It was the same way I had been excruciatingly nervous before going up in front of the judges, but once I was up, I just gave the speech. I just did it.
That's how I spent my first week of college – giving off this confident air. But the truth is, it's just all show. Pretending to be confident is how I made friends, being honest and being myself is how I learned to keep them. Honestly, this is why I'm writing these entries; I'm practicing honesty with myself; I'm practicing the art of letting go.
I learned a lot this year. More than I can remember. But I think the most important thing that I learned is that, with time, I have to accept who I am.
I think, in some ways, that's what life is for. In addition to loving God and making this world a better place, we have a chance to get to know ourselves. A chance to say, this is who I am, and I'm good with that. I'll make it work.
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This Cracked Chest: Entries of a Muslim Hijaby
SpiritualRecently, I've lost all the work I've ever written when my laptop crashed. All the experiences I had, the moments I'd written about, the pieces I'd saved - gone. Here's an attempt at sharing what I remember from my experience as a first-year colle...
