Burying the Castle

Burying the Castle Part 1

 I constantly break the barrier between my mind and reality, something that people warn me about. They say living a false reality is harmful, but it really isn't. It's where I feel safest, it's where I can hide from the past, it's where I can be free. Why doesn't everyone do this?

In my mind, where I belong, I can shut down anything and everything. Why wouldn't I want this ideal world? As long as I keep my feet on the ground, it'll always be alright. Blue skies fill my blue mind, fresh air below the dark, wavy hair that flows down a pair of overalls. Dead skin peels off my thumb, just by the nail. It starts to bleed as I pull it back ever so slightly, I grimace at the pain. The skin under feels raw.

My eyes stayed on the paper that lay below my hand. The only marks on the page were doodles of the letter 'S' and squiggles that spanned between corners. There were similar lines in my head. Those lines had endpoints, so they were more like rays that made angles who'd vertices were spread like an angel's wings. I'm in those angles, and my friends are too.

I've been building a castle recently. The materials are boring, but bring shelter when the clouds start to rain. If only Rose would understand. I don't care if the rain waters the plants, I hate her hypocrisy. Not everything has an upside. She lives in a fake world too, mine is just closer to what I want.

The bell rung. Next ring will be the last bell before spring break, not too long until I breathe in the air across the border. Don't get me wrong, the east coast is amazing, but being on the west coast will be what fixes me.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder.

"What?" I looked up. The fantasy in my head distilled into air.

"You okay?" She gave an empathetic look.

"Yea, well not really, but mostly." I think I've seen her chatting in the front of the class before. Her voice was recognizable.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I gotta get to class, but I hope you feel better!" I went back into my mind.

My hands reached into a tote bag, grabbing a water bottle. There were scuff marks on it, especially on the bottom. The candles flickered slightly. They were lit last night, but did not burn out. My hand wrapped around the glass. It shattered as it fell to the ground. Why did I drop it? Good question, but first I must focus on something bigger.

"If we're gonna keep this castle up, you're gonna have to stop being so reckless!" Ruth yelled bluntly. Carefully, each shard was picked up by her gloved hand. I snuck one into the palm of my hand, saving it for later. The walls of the castle keep coming down by the very thing that holds it, I will not take any of the turmoil any more. Just hide.

"Sorry can you repeat that?" My face reddened in embarrassment. I haven't been paying attention at all to what Rose was saying, and she's been talking for the past 2 minutes. The least I could do is listen to what she's saying.

"You have to see how good the world is, it might be better than the one in your head!" She spoke with her hands as well.

"Same to you, like it'll be a thunderstorm and you'll try to make light of it. Listen, I get wanting to be happy all of the time, but sometimes you gotta just live with the rain." Should I had said that? It had to be said, but perhaps I could have kept a thought bubble. Regardless, It's good for me to speak my truth.

After a few seconds of the words dangling in the air above our heads, she sat down next to me. "Frances," she began. "Reality is hard for me too. I see the good in everything, and the false reality I'm living in is our reality, just a bit bent to my liking. You can decide if that's better or worse.