When I Fell In Love... (EDITING)

V: My Confused Little Heart

After we shoke hands, umalis na si Jake. Well. I guess this would be a good start for me. Hindi namn siguro masamang makipag kaibigan di ba? Sa tingin ko kasi, mabait naman siya. At saka sayang. Gwapo eh! Enebeyen! Lumalandi na ako eh!

Actually, caring si Jake. And I'm lovin it! Nakakakilig kaya minsan. Pero I know my limitations naman. I know how to stop this kalandian of mine!

Hindi naman talaga ako iyong napakalandi eh. Tama lang. Lahat naman po kaya ng tao.

Balik tayo kay Jake. Nakakatuwa siya kasi alam mo iyong caring at sweet siya sayo pero hindi halata! Ah basta! Assumera ata ako eh! Tapos I found out na parehas pala naming gusto iyong Kingdom Hearts. Hays! Nagkasundo nga kami na palitan namin iyong Profile picture namin ng Roxas and Namine 'yung love team sa larong iyon. And kinilig ako ng konti knowing that we had matching profile poctures.

[A/N: Roxas read as Roksas]

Napagtripan lang namin. That time talagang wall to wall kami mag-usap kasi after namin na magkita last time sa internet cafe, hindi na kami ulit nagkita. Kainis nga. Namimiss ko na ang gwapo niyang mukha. Hays. Kasi naman itong lalaki na ito! Hindi ba uso sa kanya ang camera? Wala man lang kahit anong pictures sa account niya. Mostly, anime at games ang pictures. Ang gwapo nya kaya! Masyado siyang madamot ah. Ayaw ipagkalat ang mukha. Gusto ata ako lang makaalam ng mukha niya! At ako naman, heto, kumakapal na ang pagmumukha!

But despite this friendship we had, I'm afraid that I may exceed the limits. At first, I thought he's reminding me of Hayate but then as the time goes by, I realized that Jake is a different person. He's way too different with Hayate. And with that, I came to develop some feelings with him. Nakakatakot. Una na akong nasaktan at natatakot ulit ako na baka masaktan ulit dahil sa lalaki. I promised myself before that I won't be broken by any guys anymore. Not to guys.

Sa hinahaba haba ng pagiging friends namin sa mahiwagang social networking site na tinatawag na facebook... masasabi ko na parating na kami sa stage na More Than Friends but Less than Lovers. At iyon ay ang aking puso na pilit pa ding sinisigaw ang pangalang Hayate. Aminin ko man o hindi. Hayate at Hayate pa din ang naiisip ko! Iyong kumag na iyon hindi na naalis sa isip ko!

Nako. Naniniwala na ako sa First Love Never Dies. Dati-rati lang nababaduyan talaga ako sa quote na iyon. Pero that undying quote remained alive matapos ang ilang trahedya.

Hays. I'm such a great pretender. Iyon pala, isa din naman pala akong duwag. Hays. Sobrang nalilito na ako ngayon. Ilang months na din eh. At ngayon. Nandito na si Jake! Sobrang naguguluhan ako ngayon.

And now, I found myself writing another entry on my blog. On that way. I can release the stress that I am having right now.

Jake or Hayate??

Jake or Hayate??

Hayate!!! I want to forget about you. Anything about you! But How am I suppose to do that if I am still in love you! Now, I really hate that I love you!

Jake, why are you doing this? Why are you so sweet and caring? Why are you so gentle and kind. I know I am being an idiotic right now with this. I wanted to love you. Really, But how can I do that if I'm still in love with someone else. And that someone else just broke my heart.

I really don't know what to do. I am confused! Argh! There's something I need to know. ASAP! Hays. I like him but I love that bastard! Hays. But there's something in my heart that wanted to finally end up this tragic moment of mine. I think my heart is yelling at me. My heart probably needs a break in the person of Jake.

Is it time for me to love again? But for my sake, I just can't! I need time! I don't want to hurt somebody right now. Because, I know the feeling of being hurt. What am I going to do this time? It still hurts... It really kills me..

I guess, I'm so innocent to experience this. How love can manipulate me like this!

Jake.... I'm sorry...

Hayate, how can I unlove you?

Hays... Who would I choose between this two guys??

The one who broke my heart?

Or the man who just found be broken??

"Iba ka na talaga, Rica."

Nakaubob ako sa desk ko habang binabasa ni Kaye ang blog ko. I found a friend in her honestly.

"Kaye, help me. What to do now?" Nakaubob pa rin ako habang nakatitig lang sa desk ko. Litong-lito ako.

"Ikaw lang makakasagot niyan. Pero nandito lang ako, okay?"

Kaye just gave me a hug.

It sucks when I am torn between two people. Mahirap magdesisyon. At siyempre mahirap rin magpadalos-dalos. I don't know. I'm just young. And confused. And I hope, I'll see the light when the time comes. I hope I'll make the right decision for now.