Online Dating | Shawn + MAGCon (boyxboy)

VIII

"Is this how you feel?" I see his eyes, blurry, glistening, his pain is my pain. "Shawn... he cheated on you?" Taylor grabbed me, he pulled me over his body as I rested on the side of him.

"One day lover, one day you'll find someone who loves you just as equal. Hey even more than that. They'll love you till their baskets are overflowing and they're falling for you. But you know what, you'll be there to lift them up. Your love is what will get them through anything. One day someone will be worth your time." He poked my nose then kissed my nose.

We were both lying on the grass as I was buried into his chest. It could look weird from another angle but here, it was the most perfect intimate moment ever.

"I love you so much." I sighed knowing, you'll never love me the way I do.

"Love my little muffin." Both of his arms squeezed my shoulders.

He got up first and inched his hand for me to reach. Taylor wanted to beat Sammy up but I told him he's not worth the time. I long as I ignore him, he'll understand the pain and question himself.

He doesn't know why I ignore him. He will question what he's done wrong. He will question why I left. And this way, he will only be hurting himself-- that's unless he doesn't care about me at all.

••••

I want to drop everything. I don't need a website to determine my relationship status. All I really want is Taylor.

Eventually I'm going to have to turn on my phone, I suppose it should be now. And when I do, a ton of storms roll over.

A ton of Sammy's text.

'BAby where are you'
'How bout I relieve some stress'
'I haven't seen you in 4 days'
'My shawnie'
'Babe... baby... muffin'

He crossed the line calling me muffin. Nobody can call me muffin. Only Taylor. I am personally offended at his use of the nickname. He has no right and I don't even know how he knows that.

Well, Taylor did address me as muffin and my intro video does state my passion for the edible fluff pastry.

'Ill suck you off'
'If you don't want that we'll take things slow just text me back'
'Oh or do you want things fast'
'We can fuck when you text back'
'Daddy will punish you'

I cringed and decided to block his number. It can't keep going like this and I know I should give a reason but he doesn't deserve it. We were never official anyways so he'd probably think I'm dumb and overreacting.

•••

"And I will walk this road ahead..."

I sang because it relieved a lot of stress-- the tension that Sammy couldn't take away. Singing was my gateway. If anyone ever took that part then well brb crying.

I also started to look through what people had to say about me. There was a lot of positive feed but some people hating because it was dumb for me to cry. Hey I was just ranting about being hurt.

Then thoughts of Sammy came up. I went to his social media pages. We weren't following each other on any website because we agreed that those things only cause business and anything personal should be addressed one to one and not through photos or tweets or what type of stuff we reblog-- all of that, it meant nothing.

I looked through photos and never saw not one single post of Jack. But oddly there were subtweets and I could tell they were about me.

'Where did we go wrong'
'I mean we could talk things out but I think that's far and done with'
'I'm hungry ;)'

Especially the last one made me laugh because whenever I was with him, even though we've only spent four days together, he would say 'I'm hungry' and it would already signal what he actually was capable of doing. It works on both sides.

I saw a photo of him and I and I when we cuddled after a short session. He had the brightest smile with his eyes squinting and teeth whiter than ever. I remember that day, I told him that I did actually like him and he told me to wait for his response. It made me madly nervous. But the said, "my baby boy, not official but soon ♡" This was posted Sunday morning when I caught him with Jack.

Why would he feel something toward me but do something else that we haven't even done yet, to another guy. And a side note, he told Jack he loved him.

I dialed up Taylor to have a submit conversation before falling asleep. He needed to tell me goodnight before I can rest easy. Instead of calling him he declined. I got upset but moments later he was calling through webcam on my phone.

"Hello my little heartbroken muffin." He grinned but I gave him a serious face because I'm still sensitive on that.

"Sorry Shawn. Anyways you called?"

"I just need help sleeping."

"Like what?"

"Taylor! Why can't I call just because I want to talk to my best friend..."

"Well you haven't done this in a while... too busy with your other boys. It used to be an everyday thing, then in stopped after valentine. I thought you needed your distance so I stopped."

It made me feel bad that Taylor thought I was better off without him. It proved that I was moving to fast with all these guys on the dating websites. Even though it was only two boys. It still makes me feel bad that I just ignore them instead of telling them I want nothing to do with them.

"Shawn goodnight sweet dreams okay." Taylor sighed about to hang up but I stopped him. "Nooo, don't go.. at least fall asleep with me, hang up after I sleep please." I sighed.

"Bye Shawn." with that he hung up. I felt terrible, his last words were really blunt and I felt hurt due to the fact that it was so oddly straightforward. 'Bye Shawn.'

I rest my eyes for about thirty minutes until I heard a pounding sound around ten coming from my bathroom window.

It was Taylor standing outside with a blanket and some ice cream.

It reminds me of when I was outside his window holding a sign that was addressing my virginity. Haha, good times. I feel like this window thing will be our thing. It's very cute, so typically traditional in romance novels and movies but still--
I will make it our own.

I walked downstairs, tip toeing of course because I didn't want my parents to be concerned-- however I'm sure they'll nag me tomorrow as to why did I open the door at night.

I saw Taylor and grabbed his hand, leading him upstairs. The typical feeling of butterflies and squeals still roaming.

Taylor shut the door and locked it before plopping down on my bed. "You needed help sleeping? Here I am." He smiled opening both his arms for me to cuddle my way in. Ice cream in the other and Netflix on my laptop, be brought the blanket over us. "I think it's cuter I stay awake with you in person than cyberlly."

He kissed my forehead and with that I ate ice cream watching reruns of old childhood television shows. I looked to Taylor and saw that he had his beanie over his eyes with a spoon still in his mouth.

I slowly plopped the utensil out his lips and place the small tub of ice cream on the floor along with our spoons. It was nearly gone anyways, he didn't come with a full tub anyways. I faced the opposite direction and let my lids droop over my eyes without cuddling him.

"Goodnight I love you Taylor."

7/29