It's all too bad to be true (a move on chapter)

Whirlwind

The next morning, I woke up to a long WhatsApp message from Dimpho. She complained about me giving more attention to Nontombi,

"I feel like you're giving Nontombi more attention than me, I know me and you have our ups and downs. But what you did last night was right awful. I didn't like it and it hurt me." I couldn't believe what the light rays, and fonts, making up words told my brain. My eyes saw that text and it was deleted, I saw it because it was the time of GB WhatsApp, deleting messages didn't mean anything. I got my act right, I started treating them equally, I urged them to put their beds together, and I slept in the middle, Potchefstroom is cold and I was warm, actually I was hot. Not my body, but my body temperature. We had the most fun, we drank cheap spirit straight and saw ghosts, we watched horror movies together. I basically moved into their room, it was a bigamous relationship according to the people at the house.

I barely saw Dee, Sello and Doreen. I was always in the room, my body even forgot about smoking hookah. I had changed, I was a husband with two wives. While I was generating heat, Dimpho generated feelings. After all, I was her type her exact match, plus dopamine is squirted when we cuddle. Come to think of it, she played Kenny G when we slept, my goodness she was living the life.

One morning when I went to my room, she dropped a bombshell: she liked me. She had spent days telling me, but I had refused to accept her proposal for a relationship. I didn’t know her well enough, and I wasn’t ready to jump into something so serious. She was persistent she treated me like a king, trying to overshadow Nontombi, I was aware of her efforts but I was too afraid to take the chance. To be honest I had feelings for her too, they were similar to those I had for Mcfalda, that is why I was so afraid. I was being honest to myself. She swore that my hasitancy will lead to her hurting me. I said "I'll be ready for it", I was smug, I shouldn't have. We Planned on going back to our respective homes on the second of June. The day came, I went to Lydenburg, Dimpho went to Seabe and Nontombi went to Soweto.

We were twelve days into June, she had moved on. She started dating Jack, a tall, dark Sotho-speaking guy, and left me out of the picture. I was at home, thinking about her proposal, when I found out she was with him. It stung, but I couldn’t blame her. I had hesitated, and she had moved on. The funny thing is that I had considered it, I wanted to surprise her by agreeing to it, while we are on a date. It hurt me really, but I didn't show, I stayed an extra twenty days at home, trying to let the Jack saga sink in. Trust me I had sleepless nights about it, I even started drinking about it. By being hesitant, I loved her even more and deeply.

It was University and I couldn't run away from the situation forever. I had to go back to Potchefstroom. I got on a bus to Johannesburg, the noise my brain made about what I'll see when I got to Potchefstroom, made me forget I even had a heart. The bus ride was really short, it's because it was taking me to meet my fear. When I got off the bus, I walked with my head faced down, and didn't speak to anyone, heading to the taxi. As soon as I got in the taxi, he door slammed and movement was in motion, Potchefstroom was the next destination. It was a very short drive, again because I wasn't feeling myself. I was scared, terrified of what I was going see at Potchefstroom. 'Maybe I was going to find Dimpho and Jack kissing at the gate, maybe I was going to meet them holding hands going to the garage or maybe they were going to come to my room and announce their relationship. My brain was running wild. Paranoia and anxiety made a physical being, as I turned right, right into Goud Street, seeing the trees turning yellow and leaves on the ground, I was shivering. My bag was just too heavy for me. When I got there I opened the gate, and to my relief, Dimpho and Jack weren't kissing at the gate, I didn't see them on the road holding hands now I was just hoping they didn't come to introduce their relationship to me.

When I got into my room, my bed was empty and my anxiety wore me out and I was really tired. I passed out on the bed. Days went by, Dimpho and I drifted apart. Meanwhile, Nontombi and I grew closer. We spent more time together, laughing at the same jokes—the “that’s what she said” kind, the sarcastic ones, the puns. Jack became abusive towards Dimpho. He learned about the history me and Dimpho had, he became jealous, he told Dimpho to block me and stop talking to me, I became aware as she started being cold towards me. One early, early morning, probably 4 am, Dimpho knocked at my door, breathing heavily, I let her in, she had a phone on her hand, she quickly locked the door and switched of the light. "Shhhh!" she said her finger on my lips, urging me to keep quiet. She did so as if she was waiting for someone to pass before she said anything. My roommate was not around. "Can I trust you?" she asked, "of course" I replied, I was concerned too. "Jack is treating me really bad, and he's cheating, I have screenshots, I know he'll delete them, so can I send it to you?", "sure, you can" I said, I was stunned. She sent the pictures, "if I never see you again, I love you" she opened my door and left. This behaviour continued up to a point where I didn't care for it anymore. I focused on Nontombi and our friendship. Until she was invited to be at home for a party in August.

When Nontombi went home in August, she gave me a long hug before she left. I missed her immediately. Our conversations started being rated R, we discussed things we never discussed in person before. Nontombi I became a two man show. We had planned to get physical when she returned, but only as an experiment. It was a strange arrangement, but it felt right at the time.

As the days turned into weeks, I found myself thinking more and more about Nontombi. Her laugh, her smile, the way she made me feel at ease—it was all I could think about. But I was still afraid. Afraid of getting hurt, afraid of ruining what we had, afraid of the unknown.

Dimpho, on the other hand, seemed to have moved on completely. She and Jack were happily toxic, and I was glad for her. But a part of me wondered what could have been if I had taken her proposal seriously. Life has a funny way of bringing people together and pulling them apart. That year in Potchefstroom was a whirlwind of emotions, mistakes, and moments I’ll never forget. The purple season had brought me Nontombi, and with her, a chance to heal, to grow, and to finally let go of the past.

But as I sat in my room, staring at the blank screen of my laptop, I couldn’t help but wonder: was I ready to take that chance? Or would I let fear hold me back once again?