Freddie's fall

Cheapter 1

Pov Freddiego

-I thought that we meet to share our ideas and discuss them.

 Sam -Yes, but you don't have any good ideas, so let me think about it.

-Okay, let it be like that.

Carly -I'm glad you understand that.

And again I am being ignored at the Icarly meeting, I think they wouldn't notice the difference, if I left now, I'm not doing anything here anyway, none of my ideas are good, when I want to talk they don't have time, when I do something they don't say anything anyway, and sometimes they even say that I didn't have to bother. I've had enough. They also make fun of me at school. No girl considers me valuable enough to be with me. And recently my mother got sick and I don't know when she'll get out of the hospital, I don't know what will happen if she doesn't survive, I visit her every day, but she's unconscious, the doctors put her in a coma because they say she wouldn't be able to stand the pain. I'm not with her for long, because I can't stand to see her in this state. You can say that I should be happy because she wasn't the perfect mother, but I'll tell you, there are no perfect people, and this is the only person who took care of me, you'll say that she's not a good mother? And what do you know about it, you don't know what she went through, you don't know that when I was little I had a serious illness and the doctors didn't give me a chance anymore, and the worst thing was that when my father found out about my illness, he got in the car to get to me in the hospital as quickly as possible, he was driving from work without looking that they had forbidden him to leave, he was driving without looking at the speedometer and his car crashed into a lamppost at 160 km/h, like a guy forced the right of way from a side road, now you'll tell me why the idiot was in such a hurry, I wonder if you would be able to drive calmly knowing that a few kilometers away someone close to you was dying and you might never see him again. I didn't even recognize him, but I know he must have been a good person. Nobody knows about this story, after my father died and I recovered, my mother decided that we would leave and live in the apartment where my paternal grandfather used to live, who died even earlier. My mother couldn't stand it, that's why she takes care of me so much. Nobody will understand this. I never told her that they were making fun of me, I never told her about my problems because I didn't want to worry her. It was hard for her anyway. You'll say that I was withdrawn myself, right, but you think it's easy to say that I'm not going on a trip because I don't want anything, when in reality I know that I don't have money for it? You'll ask, what about the AV club, I was simply never noticed there, and now they kicked me out because I couldn't attend several meetings because of my mother's illness. I left the meeting under the pretext of helping my mother, of course there were some ridiculing words, but I don't care anymore, I don't even notice that they want to ridicule me. The only thing that keeps me alive is that I have to study, because I know that my mother would want me to, no one knows how hard it is, but I know that I have to cope. I have no strength anymore. I already know that every person has a reserve of energy that they use, which is used to survive, people who support them are like a charger that provides new energy, unfortunately I don't have chargers. And I know,that no one knows what I really feel and I don't want to burden others with my problems. I go for walks in the evenings more and more often, and even at night, like now, I walk straight ahead, sometimes even all night long, sometimes I don't go home but go straight to school. You might ask what about sleep, and I've had problems with sleep for some time now, so I prefer to take a walk than toss and turn in bed waiting for sleep. Sometimes I fall asleep on a park bench. I always sit in the back during classes so I can fall asleep peacefully, but most often I don't sleep. You might ask what I eat, it varies, sometimes I eat a sandwich for the day, sometimes I don't and I'm not hungry anyway. I live from day to day. Often on walks I pass people drinking or smoking, and I wonder if maybe I should try it, but I'm not drawn to it, supposedly it helps me forget, but if I forget what's in it for me? I know that the relief is temporary, and the addiction remains. What should I do? I don't know. My savings are running out and I've already sold some of my clothes, and my mother keeps the money in an account that I don't have access to. I also sold my computers, so I could pay the rent, all I have left is one laptop, a phone, and a leather jacket. I sold the rest, so I still have some money. I don't have time to go to work, I have to go to school and study, and even if I did, who would hire me, because I don't know anything. Nobody needs me. My skills are not needed by anyone. Everyone makes fun of my passion for technology. You're probably wondering what Sam and Carly think about this, because they're my friends. I thought so too, but now I know that they only tolerate me, they've never supported me, they always have something more interesting to do, even though I've helped them in difficult times more than once. They never admit it, but they had it hard too, they're also from single-parent families. That's why I thought we understood each other, but they don't want to understand me, and I won't ask for help on purpose, I don't want to be the needy guy. I supported Sam more than once. Sometimes we sat for hours in silence, sometimes we were together with Carly and she didn't want to stop talking, I hope I helped her, that she felt better when I looked into her eyes without a word, sitting next to her and holding her hand. She often chased me away, but I never ran away. Now she's better, she doesn't need my help anymore and she doesn't want my company anymore. People are often with you only when they need you. Carly is always smiling, but I know that sometimes she also had a hard time, especially after she ended a relationship with a guy, but then Sam always stayed with her for the night, and she didn't want to talk to me, because she knows that I was in love with her and thinks that I still am. Yes, I like her, but I already know that I will never find someone who will want to be with me. Gibby was always strange, he never understood what was going on in us, he never noticed that even though we were smiling, it was hard for us, so I was never close to him.I treated Spencer like an older brother, but I never felt like he was someone I could talk to. That's how I ended up alone.

A/N

I'm back with another story, I hope you like it. Best regards