I Want You... (EDITING)

|Two Heartaches|

A woman opened a door, "Ivy Reynolds?" Ivy looked at me and I looked at her...her eyes were screaming 'help me'..but I was helping the only way I knew I could..She quietly got up and walked past the nurse and through the doorway with her head down..I took a deep breath and just sat here...waiting. About 10 minutes later Ivy came rushing out she ran passed me and out the door with he hand over her mouth while sobbing, the nurse came out with Ivy's purse and jacket..I took it for her and went outside.

Ivy was sitting on the curb..with her head in her hands..I walked over and sat next to her...I didn't say anything..I'll let her talk when she's ready. She looked up, "I couldn't do it..I couldn't, they were about to put me to sleep and I pushed the mask off and just ran out...I can't do it...I can't..I can't." she said while sobbing..it's as if she was gasping for air, I pulled her into a hug and shs cried in my shoulder. We sat there on that curb for so long the minutes felt like hours, but I sat there and held her, I knew that for Ivy that was the first time anyone ever did that for her, held her in a time of need..and I know that was the first time I actually ever helped someone make a life changing decision. Her head was still in my shoulder, "Amanda?".."Yea?".."Why didn't you stop me? like..why did you bring me here?"..I pulled away and looked at her, "Because, this was the real test, that clinic was your 'yes or no' and once we were in there..I knew you would make the choice....and I knew you would choose no." She looked at me funny.."How did you know?"..I smiled.."Because you wouldn't hurt a fly." She smiled/cryed and gave me another hug, "Thank You." she said softly, "It was your choice Ivy." She shook her head "no..thank you for being a true friend." I shrugged and smiled..and during that time, I had forgotren about Robert, and my problems..because Ivys were honestly way to important. Once she stopped crying she looked at the passing cars and said quietly.."I still can't keep this baby..Amanda.."..I looked at the cars passing by too, "Adoption." She looked at me as if I had just given her the golden key.."How?"..I looked at her, "There are plenty of great adoption agencies..call one and explain things to them, they will probably have you come in and then you can choose a family for your baby to go to when it's born, you can stay in touch and watch them grow up, if you want you can even visit them, it happens all the time." She nodded her head.."I have to do that, I know I can't give this baby everything it needs, I just know it...someone else deserves it." She said while looking at her forming belly, I got up and so did she, we started walking back to the cars.."So what are you gonna do about Robert?" she asked..at that moment I felt my heart get heavy again,.and a wave of sorrow go through me..."I don't know." She nodded, "Well, I'll see you tomorrw? At school?" she said, I smiled, "I better." we hugged and then went our seperate ways. During the ride home all I could think of is 'what if that was me?' I'd feel just as lost as Ivy..except I love kids..but still..18 is to young.

I parked in the driveway at my house, and walked inside, my brother Charlie was on the sofa, with a bag of chips in his lap and cheese stains all over his fingers, I smirked.."Pig." "Bite me." he said while chewing on a cheeseball, Charlie is finally done with college, he's 24 but it seems like he's 14. The fact that he still doesn't know what he wants to major in is baffling but, Bey! Not my life. "Where's mom?" I asked, He shrugged.."Work." .."Dad?" "Same." I nodded and went to the kitchen, I grabbed a bag of Doritos and went up to my room, when I got a text..it was Robert,

I then heard little ticks come from my window every couple seconds...'So help me god if Robert is here.' I opened the window and sure enough Robert was standing under my window, with a pile of rocks in his hand. "Amanda..I need to explain everything." I lifted my hands to close the window, "I'll ring the doorbell if you don't talk to me right now." he said..I looked at him, "My brothers here." he looked at me as if I just said nothing.."I don't care." he started walking towards the front, "Robert! okay!" he came back..and looked at me, "How do I get in?" he asked..I looked at him, "I don't care." I said while leaving the window and going to my bathroom, by the time I came out he was sitting on my bed waiting for me, eating my doritos. I walked over and snatched them from him, I sat at the far edge of my bed and started to eat..he just starred at me. "Amanda...you were right...I should have told you before..but..I kept putting it off..I don't know why but I just couldn't talk about it with you..I should have told you..I know I should have, Im sorry I'm an idiot..but I ment it when I said I love you..Im sorry...I just can't stand the thought of you not talking to me, please say something, anything.." "I looked from the dorito in my hand to him, "The fact that you thought about telling me but decided not to only pisses me off more, who the fuck does that?" he looked at me with a look of understanding.."How long were you married."..his eyes never left mine, "8 years." I raised my eyebrows, "Wow."..he was about to say something until I cut him off, "Why aren't you with her." he looked down, "We booth agreed on ending things, we constantly were fighting and we didn't like.eachothers company anymore..".."Do you still see her?"..he shook his head, "Well ... actually the last I saw her was Friday, When she cameover and dropped off the papers.." I sat up and looked at him.."This passed Friday? she was at your house? The day I cameover..and you didn't tell me at all?"..he looked away and nodded. "In your den..the picture, is she the lady next to you in Italy?".."Yes." he said while looking down, "Incredible, how you hid this all from me.." he moved closer and touched my leg.."Amand-" "Don't touch me." he moved his hand away..."Amanda are you breaking up with me?" I looked at him.."I have told you everything..things you didn't even ask about just because I thought you should know...see in relationships people tell eachother stuff, escpecially if it'stuff like they are going through the middle of a divorce. Im so hurt, I didn't think this much hurt could exist, it's the type of hurt that if I wasn't composing my self right now..it could be frightning..you promised to never hurt me..and now I can't even trust you...and I don't know if there are more things that you 'choose' to not tell me...and right now I need to be alone, my heart feels heavy..so heavy that it's like it's sinking down..and you sitting here is making it worse...I still think you have somesort of feelings for Liliann because when I asked you if you did, you looked away, and she came to your house and gave you papers about your divorce the same day I was coming over and you still decided to just not tell me, and basically the fact that you kept that from me. I feel like I've been insulted..I thought I knew you so well, I thought you were like my soulmate..can you believe that? My Soulmate...and then this comes out and it's like'Ofcourse!' Until your divorce is done and you're sure that you are over her.. then I don't want to be involved with you or your life...you need to leave now because it's getting hearder for me to breath." I took a deep breath and I saw him nod his head through my peripheral vision, he got up and leaned over my bed.."I really do love you." he said before kissing my head, he turned around and climbed out of my window..I heard his feet hit the ground and the sound of his footsteps as he walked away.

I turned off the tv and layed down..I stared at the ceiling, I didn't think of anything, just breathed..even when the sun was completely gone and my room was pitch black, I layed there..motionless. I had no more tears left to cry for the day, I felt a constant feeling of pressure on my chest, and like my stomach was flipped inside out..... I guess this is heartache.

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The end of this chapter was really meaningful to me cus it's exactly what I felt during my first heartache..BUT that was long ago, I know alot of you may hate Amanda because of she's being so cold to Robert...but put yourself in her position for a minute. Things may get good, things may get bad..stick around and keep reading. Please COMMENT-VOTE, thanks. :)