Lavender

Please let the song play as you read.

"Imagine the sun aligning with the moon to kiss the earth in a lovely glow wishing the beings upon it a good night. The stars twinkling in the dark sky to give a sense of hope in the midst of fear and loneliness. That is what it was like to meet you, and you've destroyed it with one simple task. Do you not know how this will affect me or rather, do you not care? I have a heart too, you know."

Forks, Washington. Truly a place for the damned. Wicked beasts moving across the lands and stealing from those who are unsuspecting of the creatures that dwell amongst them and divert themselves from reality by living their most selfish creation of what they have envisioned their life to be. Sinners of the highest decree lurk and pounce but what about those of us who are not like the flesh. Those of us that worship life and earth. The balance that they bring and the softness that it bathes our heart in. Is that not what it means to be alive? Is that not the point of existing in such a cruel world, to have a soft heart that beats erratically when you love so open and freely.

I met a human once. She was beautiful. Eyes as green as the grass that we sat amongst with the same brown speckles of dirt that we would dig in as we laughed and joked about the passing of the day. Her hair dark and curly, bountiful as it rested upon the middle of her back and pulled every which way towards the sun in a frizz. Her tears, they invoked suffering of none that I thought I never knew. They held memories of things that she did not walk through by herself but carried as a reminder to remember that life wasn't always as happy as it seemed to be. Junoly, a destroyer blessed with youth and mirth so abundantly, she died but so did I long ago.

"Veyoha, did you know that in the books the Cullens were immune to the sun?" I laughed as she stuck her stick deeper into the mud and pushed forward to unearth a new pile of soil that my hands would scoop out and place into a pile on the side. "Yes Junoly, and do you see me sitting here in the sun with you?" Her hum was stilling as she looked up at me, a smile whispering across her lips as she scooted closer. "Did you know that Edward hated that he was a vampire?" I nodded, my eyes casted down as my hands continued to remove the earth. "Well then you have to know that Edward turned Bella at the end."

My hands stilled as I looked towards the four mounds of dirt we had created simultaneously. "I do." I hummed as my hands continued to move and my heart slightly increased in rhythm. From afar I could see storm clouds drifting in. "Why is that on your heart? To speak it to me that is." Her smile blossomed, as if she had me cornered against a wall. "Veyoha, you spend every afternoon with me and you make me the happiest I've ever known myself to be. I wish to be one of you. To walk the night the way that you do. To have as much grace and elegance as you. Look! Even as you play in the dirt you hold this bout of poise that I wish to master, alongside of you as a companion, a lifetime friend does." I sighed, having this conversation before and knowing where it would lead.

"Junoly I will not. You will not live this life. You will suffer worse than what you already have. This isn't just a shift of perspective. It isn't what you are making it out to be and I have lived this life since my youth. Besides I am not Edward, I do not wish to dwell on stories that romanticized my life for the satisfaction of fulfilling fantasies." Her eyes, those encaptivating things, she rolled as she stood abruptly. "I didn't say that you were Edward. Why must you speak as if the things that I desire are the plague. I want to live beside you." She continued as I stood and took her hand walking her from the forest back to her mother's home knowing it would rain soon.

"You are not ready to live this life. You do not have what it takes to remain sane in my world. To not let the energy and the strength that you feel encapsulate and dominate your mind." I hummed tapping her forehead. "You do not have enough compassion or empathy. You are kind to me and you favor me but, what about those around you that have done wrong or have led you astray in one matter or the next. I do not wish to have you reign and control what you have never known to revere. I want you to learn to be happy this way first. Without me giving you pleasure."

She stopped and pulled her hand away in denial of the words I spoke to her. "And what makes you think that I am not capable of living as you, or alongside you." As her mother's door came into sight I leant down to be eye level with her. "Your heart. It beats unsteadily. You dwell in anxiety and it screams when you don't receive what you think you deserve the most. You have not accepted that life will just happen as it wants and neither has your heart. Besides, you have never once asked me how I feel about the matter. How it would affect me to watch you make mistakes in this life and try to understand it. Never have you questioned my thoughts and my concerns. You immediately deem it okay in my eyes because I am already like this. You think I'm being selfish because I have something you wish to have. Independence, restraint, control." She stormed away and I watched. The rain began to pour reflecting the tears on her face and yet, I just watched.

I would show no emotion nor would I crack. For she would burn the world in a fury of scorn if I did transform her. She would be the most treacherous thing on this Earth and I couldn't destroy it like that. To have God's art destroyed so easily cruelly when it was already happening at a slower rate. Junoly was destructive, a bomb waiting to detonate as soon as the trigger was pressed. I couldn't trigger it, I wouldn't trigger it. 

 We hadn't spoken for days afterwards. It wasn't the first time but it was the longest time. I felt compelled not to give in, she was proving exactly what I spoke. But I got a call on the seventh day. Junoly was dead right here in this very spot I sat in. The same spot we would dig and laugh and bicker at. Her wrist slit and her neck open to release the very blood that would run cold when I would tell her no. Her mother angrily stood behind me as we cried. My warm hands were covered in her blood as I held her body close to my chest and wept.

"Imagine the sun aligning with the moon to kiss the earth in a lovely glow wishing the beings upon it a good night. The stars twinkling in the dark sky to give a sense of hope in the midst of fear and loneliness. That is what it was like to meet you, and you've destroyed it with one simple task. Do you not know how this will affect me or rather, do you not care? I have a heart too, you know."

My tears for the first time were because of someone, better yet due to myself for cherishing something enough to want to preserve and allow it to live a forever worthy time. I buried Junoly, in the hole we had been digging since we met three years ago. The same hole she would never let go of. The very hole she never strayed from. The mounds of dirt that I had set up over time, now being used to cover her lifeless form.

Before I managed the ability to leave I turned to her mother wiping my tears from my face.

"Your anger is misguided. She was yours to cherish and yet she felt as if I created the stars, the moon, and the sun. She found me more capable of helping her brandish her dreams. You taught her selfishness, lust, and conceitedness. So don't be angry with me, don't even be angry with yourself because it is done, but reflect. Think about how you can preserve your own heart and mind."

I left and hadn't returned but 10 years later to her mother buried alongside her and the field lush in purple lavenders. A smile on my face as I knelt and picked a stem.

"You've finally found peace and I have found a companion."

I motioned for my hand for Aier to step forward handing the lavender to her.

"Junoly Blithe Suvé, I'd like you to meet Aier Emai O'Sui. Watch over us as we dig our own holes and create beautiful moments in this forest just like you and I have.