Firework Eyes -Fuenciado

The Balcony Scene

I REALIZE WE HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER i'M SORRY.  OKAY LET'S BEGIN.

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Time goes by and we do more of our shows. More nights where we're drenched in sweat and stand in front of a pumped and beautiful crowd. And doing it with these guys is the icing on  the cake.

Things go back to "normal" with Vic and I.... if that's what you want to call it. We occasionally have one more drink that what's good for us but at this point it's because we want to forget, and have fun. And I'm not sure which one of those reason is stronger.

Right now I lay on my bed in the tour bus, my hands behind my head and my feet corssed, staring up at the top bunk, which currently holds a snoring Tony.  I glance at an alarm clock. It's 2 am. Why can't I sleep? I find it hard sometimes. As a matter of a fact, I find many things hard a lot of times.

I'm actually not as secure with myself as I make myself out to be. Sure, I know that I'm loved by thousands and I'm not a horrible or bad looking person. But something's always been there, in the back of my mind, that tells me I'll never be good enough for anything I was to achieve.

Sure, I'm Jaime fucking Preciado. But sometimes, I just feel like a loser. A loser that no one could possibly love or want to hold dear to them. That's why I never get close to anyone... this band has been the only people I've let in. And now, I can't seem to stop thinking about one of them.

At that thought I look over at Vic. He's facing me, his eyes closed. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps. Come to think of it, I've always admired the littlest things about him. It was the one thing that kept my spirits up when I was down.

I sigh to myself and close my eyes. Will this feeling ever end?

The next day, Mike wakes me up lazily and drags his feet as he goes to the fridge. It's time to get ready for another show. This one will be the last we play in this city before we stop by two more then take a break at home in San Diego. We all live there, not all together but we do visit and talk often. Dinner with the Fuentes family is always amazing.

"Please explain to me," Mike says in a sleepy voice "How someone who busts his hands and arms every night can't even open a pickle jar." he struggles with a small container of unopened pickles. I roll my eyes and hold my hand out for it. "Because everyone knows the bassist is the one with the strong arms." I say slyly as I pop it open with one twist. Mike laughs and gives me the finger.

At that Tony sits up sleepily and says "Are we in San Diego yet?" I shake my head. "nahh, buddy, we got three more shows left." Tony lets out a groan and jumps out of his bed. I shake my head and chuckle.

Later that night when we were coming to yet another close, we decided to hang outside for a little while. "Hey," Tony said into the cool night. "I have an idea."

Five minutes later all of us are on the roof of the building we've been playing in. The turtle kind of has a thing for roofs. I lay beside Vic, while Mike and Tony lay under us, their legs practically hanging off. We looked up at the peaceful stars. Or at least what we could see of it. City lights are the worst. Ah, such a wonderful and close bonding time.

"Oh shitf!" Tony swore as he sat up suddenly. We all looked at him like he was crazy "What's up?" Mike asked. "Today we were supposed to be doing a signing after the show! Remember?! Because it was our last night in the city for this tour." he explained.

Oh yeah, I had completely forgotten about that. "Well we gotta go back in there before they leave!" Mike says and Tony agrees. "C'mon, you guys!" Vic sits up and crosses his legs. "No..." he starts "You guys go on ahead. I'll stay back for a bit."

"I will too," I added casually. "Seriously? well, okay. Just, guys, make sure you don't lean too much to the left, there's not enough to hold your weight and that'd be a bad fall." Tony explains. How he knows all of this so fast, we'll never know. But we do know he's right. He often is.

With that, Tony climbs off the balcony and Mike follows close behind, nearly dropping his hat in the process. I hear Vic sigh as he rests his head back and looks absentmindedly at the sky. "Are you okay?" I ask nervously. I don't like the thought of Vic being upset in any way. He waits a long time before replying. "Yeah.. I'm just having some problems." he says carefully. "What kind of problems?"

He curls his knees close and rests his elbows on them. "It's stupid, don't worry about it." I furrow my eyebrows. "I'll always worry about it, man. But if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here, okay?" I tell him genuinely. He laughs smirkingly. "Maybe that's just my problem..." i hear him barely mumble. "What?" I ask.

Vic looks at me with his big brown eyes and I feel myself melt. The light shines on his skin and his intoxicating sent fills my nose. Maybe this is it. Maybe this is when I realized I was in love with Victor Fuentes. That I am madly, undescribably, and helplessly in love with him.

Did he lean in closer first? Or did I? I can't tell, but soon six inches of space between our lips became five.... then two... I could practically taste his smooth lips on mine. "Jaime," he whispered ever so softly.

And that's when thoughts started to fill my head again. I'll never be good enough for him.

Vic can't love me.

He doesn't want to love me.

Nothing I am will be what he needs.

I can't do this, I can't do this.

Never be good enough... Never be good enough

I froze where I was and backed up suddenly. He must have felt me back up because he opened his eyes, his cheeks completely red. I bet mine were too. Hurt and confusion filled his eyes and face. "Jai-" he started. "I-I have to go." I said urgently. I don't know where I'm gonna go. But I know I have to get out of here. I'm no good for him. I refuse to bring him into my world of destruction and hatred for myself.

At that I stand up and try to focus enough to find the way we came. Without even thinking, I move to the left and fall soundlessly, hanging on the edge of the roof by my hands. I swear to myself and shimmy over to where I was supposed to go. When I'm on the ground again I look up at him, and his face looks at me back with the same bewildered expression. I bolt away. His hurt is more than I can bear.

'Please' I beg to anything, and everything, 'Take me anywhere but here'

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Sorry for the delay! Hopefully Doll Face is faster at updating than I am. xD