I feel very immature
Like me? I? Will seriously hold down a job? Have a career? Successfully? I feel like a kid.
Dr told me to start gymming and swimming three times a week. Build muscle tone for stamina to work.
Mostly will be trying to get back to the law. God please help me figure my life out.
Thoughts:
There's some strange sense of doubt right now. I am a consumer, viewer, a witnesser. I don't believe in full action and consequence. Like seriously I will do something and something else will happen??
Life happens to me, that's how I tend to view things right now. Can't believe in things. I've always lived in this moderately comfy bubble my dad and mom have created. I have a (false?) sense that it will just continue existing. After all I'm just a woman. I'm just me. Weak and not particularly useful. I don't drive, I don't cook, I don't clean, I work funny little jobs that earn just enough for travel and some junk foods and clothes. I'll pay bills?
Sure I do work, long-ish hours. What do I do on the weekends? Do I even keep my room clean? Do I converse with my parents like an adult? Do I have friendships with people even a few years older than me?
GPT says this is, 'a deeply human experience', esp during times of adulthood and transition, or when expectations of adulthood feel heavy and elusive. And that I'm not alone in feeling this way (phew, I thought I was the only weird lil nut here).
