Finding Nirvana

Epilouge

2 years ago

     My head pounded along to the music. It was a school night but undoubtedly, Hendrix and I were going to be skipping.

I was already a dozen or so shots in and the night had barely begun. My house was littered with drunk college kids since my parents were out of town for the weekend. Although my brother had his own place, he threw his party at my parent's house because his crappy little trailer had no where near enough room for the crowd he was planning. I still don't really know what the occasion was.

The blonde girl, sweaty and grinding against me was my best friend, Madison. Her frilly little red dress was riding up her thighs and it caught the attention of half the guys in the club. The other half had their attention on me.

Madison and I's beauty was nothing to scoff at. At least, that's what my mom always says but I'd have to agree. We were definitely gorgeous. My curly and wild dark hair was sleek with sweat against my forehead and I knew that much like my best friend, my tight black dress was beginning to ride up from our sloppy dance moves.

I couldn't help but laugh as Madi grabbed my hands and we twirled around, our drunken state causing us to collapse on the ground.

"Hey baby sis," Hendrix appears out of thin air and acknowledges me with a sloppy grin "enjoying the party?"

My eyes drift to his right and I find Carson's big round puppy dog eyes staring down at me. he has a big old scowl on his face. Oh, Carson. Devastatingly beautiful. Devastatingly annoying. He's been following my family around like a stray for as long as i can remember. Stuck to my brother at the hip while he tries to control everything I do like he has some claim to me. Guess he doesn't know the difference between being my brother's bestie and being my father.

"Yeah, but I'd be having even more fun if you and your boyfriend left me alone!" I shoot a defiant smirk at them while Madi's face mirrors mine. We've spent years getting on the boys' nerves.

"Not while you're both so drunk that you're falling on the ground." Carson grumbles, ignoring my playful jab. There it is! The fatherly tone he uses only when speaking to me. He treats everyone else like they're adults, why not me? It obviously can't be the fact that I'm a few years younger than him because Madi is the same age as me. He treats her like a regular human being. A twinge of jealousy bites through me but I instantly push it down. It doesn't matter.

"I can take care of myself." I sigh dramatically, pulling myself up to my feet and helping Madi back up in the process.

"Nirvana is right, you're not her daddy," she giggles. "not unless you finally get her into bed with you."

"that's disgusting, Madeline." Hendrix shot her a pointed glare. "Not in a million years will that happen, they're like brother and sister."

"It's MADISON. I've been hanging around for the past 6 years and you still can't get it right?" Madi gapes at my brother who barely acknowledges her correction, "Whatever. I was talking to Carson, not you."

"She's not my type." Carson replies dryly.

I can't lie, it hurt me a bit. I may not particularly  like him but i've definitely thought about sleeping with him. I would give anything to look into those big dark eyes while he went down on me, gripping onto his soft curls and screaming out his na-

Pull yourself together Nirvana.

"Not your type? She's everyone's type. Cmon, look at her." Madison insisted, pushing the matter. What was her deal tonight? was she just drunk? i had never shared any actual feelings towards Carson. i kept those thoughts locked away for my alone time. was she on to me?

"Yo, Hendrix!" My brother's friend stole his attention and pulled him away from us. "Meet me out front whenever you're done torturing my sister, Sin. Austin wants to race!" With that, his blond head was engulfed by the large crowd in our living room. Sin. What a stupid nickname. Clearly they're in love.

"Austin is gonna race?" Madi squeals with excitement and runs off in the same direction Hendrix went. She's had a crush on that loser for years, only scoring one dance in middle school with him before dooming herself to a life of being ignored. i wish i could say I didn't understand why but she loves to fling herself onto him whenever she's drunk. It's hard to get her off.

"For the record," Carson's deep voice disrupts my thoughts "I definitely don't see you as a sister." His tone felt off. It wasn't fatherly or annoyed or angry. Possibly upset?

"Gee thanks."

"Shut up. I just mean that you look hot tonight." My eyes widen and a blush spreads across my cheeks, I can't think of a single time Carson Reed has complimented me.

"Really?"

"Maybe more-so if you pulled your dress down enough to cover your thong." he snickers while i smack him against the chest.

"Seriously though, let's go upstairs and get you a jacket or something." He grips my wrist and pulls me to my room on the second story. He didn't give me time to protest.

After digging through my closet for a while, he finally finds a hoodie and pulls it over my head. It's one I stole from my brother's room so it's massive and reaches my knees.

"I can dress myself." he doesn't answer me as he moves the hair out of my face. I meet his gaze to find his pretty eyes. He's concentrating on my face, pondering something. It has to be the alcohol in me because I can't help but think about how handsome he is. I put my hand on his cheek, partly to stable myself but also because I wanted to feel him.

His soft skin was burning with warmth under my hand. Was he drunk too? He didn't seem like he was but he could definitely hold alcohol better than my stumbling self.

"Vana?" He questions, putting his hands on my lower back and pulling us closer. His touch sends shivers up my body. We both had to be drunk if he was doing this. I realized I wanted him right then and there. It would get him out of my system if I just hooked up with him one time. Hendrix cannot know about this. Madison cannot know about this either, she's such a gossipy bitch. In fact, no one can know about this.

I lean in and he immediately takes my lips into his. He started out slow and unsure but quickly kisses me with desperation, his tongue seeking access and i let him in. he tasted like mint, as if not a touch of alcohol has touched his mouth tonight.

"You're not going to tell anyone, right?" I whisper, breathing in his cologne as his hand starts slowly going up my thigh towards the bottom of my dress. He hesitates.

"Why not?"

"Hendrix can't know we're doing this, it's a drunken mistake." I furrow my brow at him, confused as to why this would be an issue. He pulls away like I just burned him.

"Are you fucking serious right now?" He snaps at me, "If it's such a mistake, we're not doing it. Fuck you, Nirvana."

With that, he storms out of my room, slamming the door on the way out. I sit on my bed in complete shock for a while. An hour going going by as my brain racks everything over; What was his deal? Did he really think we weren't doing anything wrong? Hendrix would kill him and then never speak to me again if he found out. Oh god, is he going to tell my brother? I run into my bathroom and throw up from the nerves- and the alcohol.

After sitting on the cool tile for a moment, I wash my face in the sink and brush my teeth. Suddenly, Maddi bursts into my room.

"Oh god, Nirvana! Have you seen your brother?" She had tears in her eyes and she looked like she had seen a ghost.

"Not since he left for the race. What's wrong, are you ok?"

"He was racing Austin when his car crashed into a tree down the street, Carson checked but Hendrix wasn't in the car... No one can find him! We called 911!" Without warning, my world changes forever.

***

I hope you guys enjoy the first chapter of Finding Nirvana! This is the first book I am publicly releasing and I already have many chapters finished in my notes app and ready to be published, I hope you stick around for the entire story!

Any theories on what happened to Hendrix?

Word count: 1502